(I recently read an article about the agenda of some thinkers to redirect sex and change families. It concerned me to the point that I felt I needed to address the issue. The following is my response to the article.)
A big part of adultery is about sex. The cheater wants to have sex with the lover. In many cases, they are not wanting commitment or intimacy, they just want to have their recreational sex.
Prior to the advent of birth control, the fear of pregnancy kept many affairs from happening. With the use of this technology in the late 50’s and early 60’s, the morals changed with the situation.
Many people held to traditional lifestyles, yet their morals changed with the situations they were exposed to. Some believed affairs were wrong, yet there were others who believed affairs are wrong only when you get caught.
Sex went from being something special that happened within the confines of marriage to a fun or recreational activity. The big challenge was for the cheater to find a way of sneaking off the reservation, or climbing the fence (escaping the boundaries of the marriage) enjoy their recreation and then get back safely.
Sex became part of a game. In that game, you scored points by having more affairs without getting caught. The more game-like it became, cheaters exhibited more brinkmanship. Sex became the forbidden fruit they were in the black market for.
The redirecting of sex had tragic consequences for marriages and families. It created parents who were self-absorbed, caring more about their own gratification than doing what was right for the family.
When children grow up in such an environment, where they are not seen as the fruit of the marriage, but rather the burden, they feel unwanted and of little value. They were no longer seen as special. Now, more than ever, many are viewed as burdens on the cheater. The cheater may enjoy their children, yet make sure steps are taken to not impinge on their recreational sex activities.
What the progressive ‘sex as recreation’ thinkers did not realize is that when you redirect sex, you have redirected the values of the family, you have redirected the value placed on children, you have redirected morals and the whole direction of society.
The situation can be turned around. Turning this mindset around requires commitment along with an about face turn. Cheaters need a redirection of their values including re-committing to their families and re-establishing their morals.
Stopping the adultery problem is not just a matter of not sleeping with the neighbors, it is a matter of the cheater and their spouse returning their hearts back into the family, rather than self-absorbed goals. It is a matter of changing their views of family to where marriage is viewed as a sacred institution rather than a time limited business contract.
Best Regards,
Jeff
12 Responses
Sometimes I wish they would bring back the stoning death penalty for this kind of behavior …but then we might have a GREATLY REDUCED POPULATION ..and sadly …I would not want my own husband to be put to death ..,or the OW …they need to turn and seek after Jesus Christ …if they every face themselves…
Anyway ….a law and a penalty for adultery might curb it …many might think more about consequences…todays society offers LITTLE in the way of consequences….it still shames people …and for us ..it might cost us any kind of income…..
Sad a man works hard and his wife works to economize and then when he gets the fruit of his labor …he gets arrogant about his success and goes headlong into adultery …and ALL of what he and his wife worked so hard to build is GONE …
HE throws it at the OW …and anything she wants…either to keep access open to her sexually or to keep her quiet ,…so he is not exposed….Why would she kill the goose that laid the golden egg …it only ‘costs’ her some few moments of her day …providing him with sex….sex that is not even as good as he can get at home ….but it is exciting ..forbidden and risky …
ANY sexual activity with his OW could KILL HIM actually …might even give some disease to his wife and children …but HEY …he is invincible ..and beside …he can’t just use this woman for sex …he wouldn’t want her to think that now would he !
What a fool…OF COURSE SHE THINKS THAT >..she made the DEAL to have sex with a MARRIED MAN with the understanding that he would NEVER leave his wife …and even after six years of playing this fool …she KNOWS he won’t leave so why not GET some hard cash for her trouble…
This KIND of woman does not seek MARRIAGE ..they seek to destroy men and marriage ..and the women who do marry …IT IS THE FEMINIST agenda ..hard core.
IT is THEIR CONTRIBUTION to the overthrow of the ‘man’ ….
SICK ….and WORTHY of DEATH …but this world seeks to USE such women for the gain of the break up of society …so it is legal to commit adultery on man’s law books…BUT THE LORD’S BOOK tells another story doesn’t it !
The day is arriving for each person to give account of what he has done in his life ..either good or bad….and EACH ONE WILL …GIVE AN ACCOUNT to the ALMIGHTY who is LOVE but is also JUST and TRUTH ..and there will be ‘weeping and gnashing of teeth ‘ …..and no repentance after this lifespan …NOW it the time to CEASE sin and repent ..
Those who are faithful to the LORD shall not be ashamed….follow HIM!
YES SIR!
Zaza,
I can understand you wanting the stoning death penalty. I also know that through the suffering and recovery of some cheaters, we have all been helped, such as David, Samson and the ‘woman at the well’.
Some of my peers and I have discussed what the physiological consequences of infidelity are. We are seeing some patterns in their lives, and I can assure you that there are consequences, yet at this time, the research is too incomplete to discuss in detail.
Yes I realize there are definite consequences…and those who WAKE up from such devastating choices may agree there needs to be something MORE in terms of penalties for CHOOSING and CONTINUING such terrible activity
I think we would agree that driving over the speed limit has consequences some times DEADLY ones but at least realizing that there MAY be a hefty penalty if CAUGHT seems to deter many people from driving over the limit.
Incidentally my husband drives over the limit often ,..saying he ‘must keep up with the flow of traffic’ or if on a trip he believes the limit is more like a ‘suggestion’ …this may be in HIS mind but has set a poor example for others…and my son is one….
Many people in our area were polled and found to regard speed limits as just that ..a suggestion …interesting how many of them are young …and probably have low insurance premiums OR even higher but do not care….and there are many serious accidents here …due to DUIs or just plain entitlement.
I thought that traffic laws were mostly for us to be reminded of how to keep safe ..and keep others safe.
Stiff penalties for bank robbing seems to keep that at a minimum as well as stabbing people randomly when the check out line doesn’t move along at your preferred pace
Many of the laws broken in our area are from people using drugs and alcohol which impairs the conscience and seems to leave them feeling like no laws apply to them
With Adultery is is a WIN for the state …in many areas of commerce as we have noted before elsewhere on this blog ….Still …those who ‘fall of the wagon ‘ as well as those who make a lifestyle of sexual sin …begin PRACTICING long before they marry these days which loosens the view of how damaging cheating is ….for those who simply have not been the victim or hurt.
NOt connecting enough emotionally ‘frees’ some to enjoy sexual sin and serial sexual sin so that even if they marry they have no understanding of the pain it causes
I asked my husband if any of his past girl friends had ever hurt him and he said NO!
SO …the way some live they feel nothing ..they invest nothing whether to protect themselves or they just have not cared enough for anyone but their own pleasure and it came to them in handfuls without any cost to themselves
One fella in the homeschool community wrote ‘I kissed Dating Goodbye’ and explained the effects of serial dating as a learning ground for divorce…it reinforces the throw away love relationships.
the emotional scars on women from this cause THEM to have hardened hearts as well..
A law that would cause people to PAUSE before committing sexual sin….some kind of REAL PHYSICAL COST because despite the ways it effects people INSIDE >.they seem to still get away with it …
AND the fact that it is not condemned in the culture ..[ for agenda sake ] it is not feared ,..but thought of as NO problem ..[What goes on behind closed doors DOES hurt everyone …!]
I read on other forums how painful it is for the faithful spouse that their CS does not seem to own their sin as anything ‘all that bad’ ..and they do not appreciate the patience of the hurt spouse as they extend more offering of time and opportunity to repent.
Admitting adultery and even stopping it does not CHANGE the heart ….even if it never happens again ..the heart is the local where repentance must take place..attitude >INCLUDING sorrow FOR the hurting spouse….but few are getting that satisfaction from the CS ….
Nothing penetrates that hardened heart …that wanted to live independently in the first place
Could a law be made to FORCE someone bent on infidelity to NOT commit it? NO probably not ..but it might DETER those who are not fully armed to avoid committing it …to help them fear entering into situations where they are tempted….and to set their affections on their spouse …thereby helping them get more invested in their loving their spouse …thus ..growing PAST any other opportunities offered..
Once actively enjoying the marriage they HAVE …and taking time to be involved in all that life send to the couple …it bonds them
My own husband had NO FEAR of discovery because HE is very well equipped in every sense to orchestrate whatever reality he wished to ….time , intellect , opportunity …power , status ..wit ….willingness and thrill seeking ..little interest in planning , sharing , opening his life …just all for HIMSELF
THis happend as he turned from couple activities that we once shared…HE lost interest in growing relationships with belivers and curbing his appetite for things that work against marriage
Had a LAW been in place with a FINE …it might have caused him to consider
Consequences for sexual sin were swift and sure because GOD did not want it to become accepted and normalized among the people …Eli’s SONS were fouling the nest of the priesthood…and thus leading the people to take a lax attitude about violating GOD’s WORD>…THEY ALL DIED in the same day …it was NOT without warning …but it GAVE everyone reason to think twice about doing the same thing !
Today other than those intimately hurt by this …others do not know ..nor would it make much difference to them sadly >>>CLINTON comes to mind …not a hiccup in his administration …Kennedy …..It is to put personality above principle….It is to ‘respect persons ‘ above honoring GOD
It STINKS…and the ‘people love to have it so ….”
Zaza,
There are many who benefit from adultery. It has become big business.
Being a homeschooler, I am familiar with Josh Harris’ book and those ideas. His book popularized some ideas that some in the Christian community have had for quite a while.
In terms of administrations that had problems with adultery, there is also the Johnson administration, the Eisenhower administration, FDR’s administration, …(and the hits just keep a comin’).
Yes,,,,Have you seen “Agenda’ from Vision Forum Ministries? Just ONE of many DVDs and books discussing the drive toward the fragmentation and destruction of civilization as we have known it …particularly the order of our own Nation ….as well as others….
Also you may be familiar with Lighthouse Ministries …they offer analysis of present day ‘trends’ that are OLD Pagan practices as NEW AGE …being accepted wholesale in many churches today ….
There are many many but these offer some info worth a look…and a deeper examination of such hypothesis in the Bible….
FYI
Zaza,
I have not seen the agenda, yet I am familiar with Vision Forum Ministries. There are many good resources out there now, which stimulate the parent and the child to think.
In Australia when a marriage falls apart because an affair than the cheater is still entitled to half of everything unless there are children. I know a couple that had an affair and then went off together. They both got half of everything from their spouses so they ended up doing very well, while their spouses only got half a house after expenses. Both couples had been married a long time and they were looking at retirement, now the cheaters’ spouses must continue to work. It would be good should a cheater chose to leave their spouse because of an affair then the cheater would no longer become entitled to half of everything.
This particular cheating couple have a new home together, big wedding, good jobs, travel the world several times a year and visit family who seem to have happily accepted their relationship now. It just seems so unfair somehow as I know one of the spouses has just fallen apart over everything and now has trouble dealing with life especially now her children have left home.
Judy,
I had no idea the laws were like that in Australia. I knew that Australia has a BIG problem with adultery. With laws like that, I can see why the problem is so big. Thank you for sharing that. With that kind of settlement by law, there is little if any consequence for adultery.
What a HUGE tragedy …..
Zaza,
It is a tragedy yet many do not realize what is going on since they enjoy recreational sex.
This senario in Austraila actually seems like additional motive to get a ‘paycheck ‘ for working ones recreation~!
How cold the ‘love ‘ must be to do such a thing and take even MORE from the spouse!~
It is a tough situation. I had read reports about the rampant infidelity down there. Now that I know more about the law, it makes a lot more sense. Their marriages need our prayers and help.