The problem with liars is that they lie. You can never be sure if what they are telling you is the truth. They know how to make things sound good along with being believable. Liars have often mastered telling you what you want to hear rather than telling you the truth. In some cases you may have a harder time hearing the truth than the lie. When you tell a liar that you want the truth, have you considered whether or not you can handle the truth? In some cases, the liar senses when you can not handle the truth.
When you are unsure of the truth, there is never any solid grounding. You are never secure in your relationship with the liar or anything they say. Your world becomes plagued with doubt of them and doubts about yourself. You may even get to the point where you wonder if anyone ever tells the truth.
Some liars mix truth and lies. Since you do not know which to believe, you are confused. The liar is relieved at having told the truth and you are left bewildered. One of the big problems with lies is that they grow like cancer. They are never limited to one or two things. They spread and grow. They creep into every area of your life and your thinking. It often takes a constant vigilance to keep from falling into the lifestyle of lies.
Lies, and even half-lies create confusion. A confused mind is easy to manipulate. When you are confused by the lies, you are more vulnerable to believing them since you are so desperate to believe something. This is one of the principles of cognitive dissonance. This is one of the things that makes some lies very powerful.
The way out of this craziness is to make the choice to stop believing the lies and start believing the facts. When you have enough facts, then you can arrive at what the truth is. Even if it is just saying to yourself “NO” when the cheater tells a lie. Break the habit of believing the lie in order to keep the peace.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
5 Responses
Boy is that the truth .
My husband’s family lied …to ‘protect’ ….to ‘tease’ …to prank
The problem is that when a person grows up thinking that it is ‘necessary sometimes to lie’
or to think of it as ‘white lies’ …it is the crack in the ‘door’ to the character ….soon when something comes up they want to do …they LIE ‘to protect ‘ those who would be hurt by their choices.
Of course this is how adulterers behave
My husband now is training the children of the adultery to lie …so is their mother
Keeping secrets about ‘small’ things…
My husband likes to give them foods that he KNOWS their mother would not approve of …but instead of taking his own parenting aspect into consideration he tells them that they should not tell their mother..
It is junk food…he thinks he is being the one that gives them ‘treats’ …which makes her food choices look restrictive no doubt but she has her reasons .
She does not keep food in the house…so SOME kind of food is better than none …and even a cupcake once in a while is not terrible …but he wants to avoid WW3 so he tells them not to tell
I think this is a dangerous kind of thing to promote….for many reasons .
Children should not be asked to keep a secret for one adult from a parent
Of course their situations is adversarial. DUH …don’t have chidlren with your whore!
But the kids are being trained that lying is OK by “SITUATION ETHICS” one of the biggest reasons their parents went ahead and committed adultery in the first place!
It is going to backfire…I have warned my husband from the beginning that he should become equipped with good character himself ..become self accountable by way of learning the truths from the BIBLE and asking the LORD to help him keep his old character in check …he could not be bothered.
He believes since he is not having sex with the OW ..that he is now good to go
But as we observe what he is doing …I see he is simply turning to make the same kinds of mistakes …he wants so badly for them to think of him as the ‘good guy’ …just as with our family …he feared to be the ‘bad guy’ and did not involve himself in character training at home
He grew up with the idea of just demonstrating ‘goodness’ ….no words or ‘preaching ‘ …but training involves setting limits….teaching right doctrine…of character building boundaries…and reinforcement and reproof and correction …before one grows up thinking there are no rules..and no accountability ..JUST LIKE HE LEARNED…and so that is how the children grow to be so like the father
HE was the ‘good guy’ for all …but he is not respected because he did not live rightly ..and did not involve himself in learning HOW to train up a child….so he is doing the same thing now with them
They may think he is GREAT now …with him providing the money and the fun….sneaking them treats…but he is more like a thrilling playmate rather than a good influence that upholds manhood, and godliness….or even just plain decent right behavior
He is not a BAD MAN …overtly ..but subtle influences that made up the life he now regrets are deeply ingrained and he refuses to take the time or effort to admit and work out changes and grow more in wisdom from the WORD
Reading Proverbs is HUGE in it’s effectiveness to provide wise counsel.
But he is too proud ..too ‘smart’ and too independent to be told anything from anyone .
So I have stepped back…and I have been listening when he shares his critical attitude of her and her ‘parenting ‘ …
I see that there is little use in trying to offer any of the things I have learned…HE is going to reap what he has sown …because he is still sowing the same ol same ol ..in his own life and now in the lives of children he did not want to ‘let down’ but is doing the same kind of things he has lived by .
Lying is deadly ..and in a liars life …if they have practiced it …it comes forth without a whole lot of thought…
He does not see what he has done with telling them to keep secrets from her as anything damaging ….sad.
Zaza,
Lies are indeed deadly. I am sad to hear about how your husband was brought up with such teachings about lies. When children are brought up that way, it leaves a massive character wound in their soul. When such wounds are inflicted as children, they often think nothing of it and assume that such behavior is acceptable.
In my mind the ‘white lie’ is the most destructive kind, since it eats away the soul of the one who told it until they are destroyed.
Yes,, and unfortunately he does not seem to be aware of when he is teaching this same attitude to those children ….any lie leaves the door open for bigger whoppers
I am concerned about them with teen years coming up and such poor role models and the environment of the school they attend which is at the root a Rudolf Stiener cirricula….new age paganism , mother earth, and wicka have a lot of influence there …the true Waldorf schools are about preparing children to receive a ‘spirit guide’ at the age of 12
Who knows what else …but that is enough …then add the sexual promiscuity of the parents…known or not and it also is a ticket to hell in terms of being in such an enviroment.
The mother is neglectful in so many areas …she has a sexual arrangment now with yet another man since my husband cut off all of that …she has the man involved with the kids..as he as a child from another woman out of wedlock as well .
Talk about ‘family values’ in the toilet!
The kids don’t know much about what is right ..but they told my husband about some of her antics and said .” At least we have one parent who is not crazy!”
Well …..he is nice to them ..gives them money and takes them to eat …but does not have it IN HIM to give them the kind of moral training they need.
AND he is not available for any time night or day because …HE IS MARRIED with a FAMILY that still needs HIM
It is a mess…I think he never should have gotten in the middle of it …it is like holding out a carrot to kids that you do not and cannot follow through with ….No one could tell him
I can’t help but wonder what sex education they are going to get..will she hand her daughter some condoms like some schools do so they are ‘protected’ ….just to be prepared if some time they find they WANT to have sex!
With her mother’s immorality based in Marxism and Feminism I don’t hold out much hope for them and my husband is not going to speak about sex…for a couple of reasons…first he didn’t want to become equipped to teach our own children…it was my job …which I used many good resources found among the homeschool offerings…AND I was in RELATIONSHIP with my children deeply enough they knew they could ask me anything or I would be up front with them …also as I learned more about some of the things from bible I shared with them some mistakes I had made and why now I realized the way I got ripped off by sin .
He would not learn about sex for our own relationship …all the aspects of women being different than men is many areas …so he would not learn about what to teach our son …
AND in this situation he is in danger of bringing up a subject that might indeed backfire…with all of the accusations that are flying around where a woman gets angry or vengful and would make false accusatons …I don’t even want to go there !
But todays women are vicious …and if they are immoral …lying is nothing to them….
This is the wingnut we are dealing with so I warned him to be VERY careful never to say or do anything that might be used or misunderstood …that could get him in trouble with that OW .
I was never a fan of soap operas …but it seems like our lives are such ..at least when it comes to the OW and her need to create DRAMA …and HE told me that is the thing he now realizes is that she would create crisises …or lie about some wound from someone just to keep him entwined in her drama….
So vile!
Oops that was Rudolf Steiner ..got my ie backwards….
A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump