One of the elements affairs have in common is ‘betrayal’. Betrayal is an experience the betrayer excuses while the betrayed resents.
Experiencing betrayal is bad enough. Getting honest with yourself about how you were betrayed is critical to affair recovery. Without that honest look at the betrayal, you can easily fall victim to it yet again.
What makes getting honest about how you were betrayed difficult is that you start feeling stupid and dumb at how it happened. You blame yourself for believing the promises made to you.
Although the honest self-evaluation is painful, it helps you understand what happened and how it occurred. It’s easy blaming everything on the one who betrayed you. They did you wrong, there is no excusing what they did.
Getting honest with yourself about how you ended up believing their promise is what helps you start taking the blinders off. The blinders that keep you from seeing yourself and the cheater realistically.
If you really want honesty, it’s not limited to one person. You can’t say you want honesty and them limit who it touches to only a select few. When honesty starts coming in, like a rising tide, it touches everyone, including you.
If you’re truly honest with yourself, there are probably patterns of betrayal in your life, not just one. The affair is likely one in a series of betrayal events.
It hurts realizing you’ve been down this road before.
Moving past the betrayal also requires you face the future and put the betrayal behind you. Instead of continuing the process of beating yourself up over it, learn how it happened so that you can make needed changes.
When you start talking about how you were betrayed, you’ll start seeing new options. Each time you see a little more along with better ways of avoiding future betrayals.
One place you can start talking about how you’ve been betrayed is at the membership site, Restored Lifestyle.
At the site, I’ve included questions to ask yourself to help you get honest in terms of how it happened. It also helps talking to others about what happened to them.
Talking with others who’ve been betrayed will help you see what happened in a new light. You can move past this when you have the right tools.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
