When I hear someone mention ‘reframing an affair‘ my mind goes into action. I quickly prepare for their attempts in manipulating the situation.
Although modern ‘progressive’ types talk about ‘reframing an affair’, there are some situations are so clear and plain, no amount of reframing makes them acceptable.
Reframing tries putting the affair in a smoother, more acceptable context. You change the ‘frame’ of meaning being put around the affair.
Much like you can change how you view a painting by putting a different frame around it, putting a different frame around the adultery accomplishes the same thing.
Even using terms like extramarital relationship, or straying are attempts at changing the frame around what they did. Instead of calling it ‘adultery’ or ‘infidelity’ or ‘moral turpitude’ they want smoother terms.
It’s a literal 50 shades of gray scenario. Instead of saying it’s wrong, they want to focus on intention and emotion.
Someone reframing an affair uses a wide variety of contexts. They may talk about ‘unresponsive spouses’, ‘needing connection‘, looking for meaning, or even finding a relationship that works for them.
They may even reframe their adultery as ‘they get me’ or ‘we’re soulmates‘.
These efforts amount to putting lipstick on a pig. They dress up the affair, but cheating is still cheating no matter how you dress it up.
Recovering from an affair requires frank honesty. Reframing an affair as a ‘no one’s at fault’ or ‘nobody is the bad guy’ goes in the opposite direction. It conceals what happened rather than make it so clear there’s no mistaking what happened.
When each of you puts a different spin on the affair and what it means, it leads to more conflict. The reframe helps you see the mental twisting the cheater did to make it acceptable, but it doesn’t make what they did more acceptable.
In the downloadable Affair Recovery Workshop, I share with you an approach that deals with the plain truth and straightforward approach to infidelity that’s needed in recovering from them.
Soft peddling, reframing or excusing what happened only prolongs the pain and feeds the denial. Your marriage needs more honesty and less denial when faced with an affair.
An affair is still an affair no matter how you dress it up.
Order your copy today and start the recovering from the affair.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
