A reader queried the question “Is it an affair or alcoholism?” Some of you are dealing with this question to some degree or another. For me, this is one of those “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” type of scenarios.
With alcoholism, you are dealing with poor impulse control and altered brain functioning. With a “simple” affair, you are dealing making poor choices. (Bear in mind, most affairs are not simple matters. There are typically many factors involved behind those poor choices.)
In order for you to determine what you are dealing with, you will have to uncover the motivation behind what they did. Since most affairs have alcohol involved to one degree or another, it has to be considered.
Alcohol lowers the inhibitions, reduces impulse control and allows the cheater to override their conscience. Cheaters are more willing to take risks when drinking.
Adding alcohol to a bad situation can make it worse in a hurry. Any high risk scenario can turn bad with the addition of alcohol.
The alcohol may have been used by the lover in an effort to seduce the cheater or vice-versa. Alcohol greases the gears for things to happen.
Alcohol makes any situation worse, including affairs. The cheater may not have chosen to have an affair, but they choose to drink. Choices were made that put things in motion.
You can’t totally blame the alcohol. The alcohol did not just jump down their throat. The cheater needs accountability regarding their choices and actions.
If you give them the chance to ‘blame the booze’ for what they did, they’ll do it.
The cheater will do what is in their heart. If they are wanting to cheat, they will do so whether or not alcohol is involved.
The alcohol only allows what is inside of them to come out. If they do not see cheating as ‘wrong’, ‘evil’ or ‘wicked’, you have a problem on your hands.
When a cheater sees nothing wrong with cheating or ‘getting something on the side’, there is nothing to keep their impulses in check when they start drinking. The drinking is merely a way they give themselves permission to do what’s in their heart.
Best Regards,
Jeff
