When it comes to revenge, you will always be able to excuse or justify your actions. It’s natural that when you have been hurt to want to hurt others back, especially when it is your spouse. The hurt of their affair will leave you wanting to hurt them, and hurt them BAAAAD.
You want them to hurt as bad as you hurt.
Some of you may not want to be viewed as a bad person, so you find a sneaky way of hurting them them. When this happens, you resort to passive-aggressive acts or even sabotage.
Two of the common avenues where these actions occur are those related to the visitation of children and money. You may even take to bad mouthing and slandering the cheater.
In order to avoid feeling guilty you may say that “I am just hurt” or “I am only expressing my concern”. You need to be honest, mean-ness is just plain mean-ness. The motivation behind your mean-ness is often just a way to make what you did palatable to your conscience.
Your cheating spouse may have deserved what you did and more. The problem is that when you get caught up in being the delivery system for mean acts, you start becoming mean yourself.
It’s not likely that you’ll turn mean overnight. It happens piece by piece and bit by bit. With each mean act, a little more of your soul gets sicker. The starting place of 99% nice and 1 % mean, will change. It becomes 75% decent/25% mean, then 60% decent/40% mean and continues on. Loving turns to niceness, then decency, then meanness, then evil.
You may wonder about apathy. What about when you do not care anymore? What do you call it when someone loses all care for someone they were married to? It is not nice, nor decent.
When you are apathetic, you have descended to the levels of mean-ness and evil. What makes it bad is that when you know what being good is, you know better. Evil is always worse when it comes from somebody who was once loving toward you.
Instead of assuming the role of avenging angel, try not giving them what they deserve.
Try forgiving them.
Try letting go of bad memories.
Try moving past the hurts.
When you find the pain unbearable, you’ll want to consider the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma”. Those feelings are intense and you’ll need serious help in overcoming them.
Getting rid of the hurt reduces the risk of revenge. Just click the link, fill out the form and start recovering.
Best Regards,
Jeff
