Years ago, the Bee Gees posed the question, “How deep is your love?” If you are dealing with cheating, you are asking the same question. Although your wording may be a little different, the point of the question is determining the depth of someone’s love. You may be asking about the cheater’s love for you or for the lover?
Even when the questions of “Who did you have the affair with?”, “What does this person look like?” are asked, it is beyond a curiosity. Those questions seek to determine what kind of relationship they have and how the threat level is poses. The deeper the love, the greater the threat.
Although it may seem harsh, a further question to consider is “Are they capable of deep love?” Some spouses are not capable of a deep committed and abiding love. They may talk about how deep their love is, but given the affair, their own behavior betrays the shallowness of their ability to make commitments. The affair shows that they are looking for the next bright, shiny new toy that comes across their path. If they are distracted by bright, shiny toys, they are not very committed to any relationship.
A theologian once instructed me that “words are just words until a person pays a price for them. People often talk about commitment, but until they pay a price for it, it is all talk.” Your spouse may have talked about how deeply they love you, but what have they paid for it? What have they given up for love? The cheater may talk about how deeply they love the ‘homewrecker’ but until they pay a price, it is all talk. They lied to you, what makes you think they are not lying again, either to themselves or others?
I use the term commitment when talking about depth of love, since that is the best measure of depth. How far are they willing to go? How far have they gone? What selfishness have they sacrificed to gain the love?
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
