Some cheaters groom their spouses for cheating or swinging. One specially devious form of groom occurs when husbands insist on their wives submitting to them unconditionally and uni-laterally.
By insisting on complete submission without conditions, they begin initiating their ‘training’ program. Although it is not labelled a ‘brain washing’ program, it has all the features of such training programs.
At first, the control involves little things. Over time, the controller expands their control to other areas. Insisting on complete control in all areas and without question. Control is a quality that always wants MORE.
Anytime spouses question their control, they are labelled as being ‘un-submissive’ or ‘rebellious’. The controller may also bring in religious themes in reinforcing their position.(My own experience is that the term un-submissive is favored by swingers and rebellious favored by religious types).
The religious controllers use the threat of God as part of their control program. Although God is used at this point in achieving control. The things they have their wives do is often far from godly behavior. When God is used selectively, you can know that it’s a form of manipulation.
Once the controller gets the victim to submit to their control without question, they start breaking down sexual boundaries in preparation for either swinging or threesomes.
They begin having you do things in public that are embarrassing or humiliating. This is part of them taking more control and shattering your soul.
Such actions break people. They want to break whatever is left of your morals, self-respect and dignity. When you view yourself as worthless, you are then willing to do what they tell you without question. When you’re dominated you find your whole sense of value based on pleasing your master.
In severe cases, they may use their wife as a prize for rewarding their friends or paying for other favors. The controlled wife becomes a commodity.
Where religious control is used, the spouse is often used by elders as a way of advancing or gaining influence in that community. The more closed the community, the higher the likelihood it’s a cult. The cult gives identity yet takes away control.
The controlled wife’s no longer cherished or valued beyond what people are willing to pay for her. It’s as if the controller has delegated or expanded the control program to others.
All this programming can leave you feeling like you are being disloyal to your husband or to God is you dare question what is going on.
As part of the controlling, they take on a ultimate authority position where they determine what religious writings mean and how they apply to you and to them. They make sure that their position can not be questioned. In many ways, they have positioned themselves as ‘tyrants within the home’.
Such control is another form of human trafficking. When the love in a marriage has been pushed out by control, the dynamics of your relationship change.
When control replaces love, you no longer have a loving marriage, you are dealing with a master and a slave. This sounds extreme, yet what goes on in these marriages is extreme.
Although this topic is not often associated with affairs, it is a practice that if far too common. From what some readers have written, there are many of you out there who find themselves in similar situations.
If you’ve experienced trauma from this type of control, there’s hope. You can recover your life, your dignity and your emotions. The video “Overcoming Affair Trauma for Swingers” guides you in putting this behind you.
You can break free.
Best Regards,
Jeff
