Have you considered that in your love for the cheater that you may have enabled them? Some spouses want to help the cheater change their ways so much, that they take steps to keep them from hurting. As humans it is hard to see someone we love go through pain. In the case of the cheater, they need to go through pain. The pain brings them to their senses, the pain motivates them to change, the pain reminds them of their errors. Taking them out of pain may make you and them feel better, but you are running the risk of short-circuiting the healing process.
The cheater needs to know that choices have consequences. They need to see the law of cause and effect in operation in their lives. Sure, you can forgive them and accept them, but they need to recognize what they did was wrong. What they did was not acceptable nor tolerable. When they do not experience the consequences of their choices, they often do not learn from them. I understand there are some that learn from others mistakes. The vast majority of cheaters do not learn from others mistakes. They learn by going through the pain. They do not benefit from short cuts or being rescued from their pain. They need to learn by on the job training. So the next time they want you to get them out of their pain, you need to resist the temptation to pull them out of the fire.
You can find more on how to survive your partners affair, in my e-book on the topic.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
