Words mean things, including what you call the cheater’s squeeze or homewrecker. When you call the homewrecker things like “The Other Woman” or “The Other Man”, it implies that they are interchangeable with the ‘real’ man or woman.
When you view them as interchangeable terms, your mind is telling you that you’re replaceable. It’s not by accident that cheaters refer to their lover as ‘the other woman’.
If the cheater gets you to refer to the homewrecker with the title of ‘the other’, it’s an act of self-destruction. You are mentally accepting that your replacement exists.
If the cheater uses such terms, they’re already viewing the women or men in their life as interchangeable. It takes away any special status that you have as their spouse.
When they’ve already replaced you mentally, it doesn’t take much effort replacing you in other areas as well. The use of the term “Other Woman” or “Other Man” is being driven by those who want to water down or destroy the institution of marriage.
Sure, many television shows portray families or talk about families, yet they also present an interchangeable version, where the men and women can be changed out like lego bricks.
Spouses are not made to be swapped out for others. Marriages are more than some interchangeable parts.
When you swap out the parts, you loose a lot more than just security. You lose your sense of identity, your faith is weakened and your confidence shaken.
Changing out the parts of your marriage damages your marriage and yourself. Modern thinking leaves you with the impression that you can keep the institution intact, while switching out the pieces for those that look better, fit better or follow the pattern that social engineers want you to.
Make no mistake, homewreckers are homewreckers. The injection of a lover into your marriage damages the quality of your family.
It permanently changes the communication, safety, security and stability of the family. Those permanent changes can not be undone. Spouses can’t be changed like outfits without consequences.
You can change jewelry and what you wear, and you are still the same person, yet when it comes to relationships and marriages, you can’t swap other men and other women in and out of your life and still be the same.
You end up loosing a little bit of you with each relationship, with each marriage that goes wrong. Your children also loose something as well.
The quality and stability of your marriage is part of what you pass down to your children. Your marriage is part of the inheritance you leave behind.
Yes, it’s your life, filled with your choices. Yes, it was your business, yet your children will end up having to live with and clean up your choices, your business, and your marriage.
Having another man or woman on the side may sound exciting. Another term carrying similar baggage is referring to the lover as your ‘spare’.
That “other man” or “other woman” are not like spare tires in your trunk in case of emergency, they are instead emergency accidents waiting to happen. Like all spares, you assume you can count on them and only find out when they’re on the car how dependable they are.
Think about that. They (the lovers) are the emergency. They are the cause of marital accidents, not protection from them.
I go into further explanation of the dangers in choosing the wrong names for the lovers and homewreckers in the download, “Affair Recovery Workshop“.
What you call them is important. The names used send messages to your brain and your spouse’s brain regarding the affair and what the outcome of the affair will be.
You may be programming the destruction of your own marriage and not realizing it. Find out what you can do in the Affair Recovery Workshop and start making changes today.
Best Regards,
Jeff
4 Responses
How very true this is….sad …so many are deceived into accepting such ideas. The destruction of marriage is to ultimately change culture and even the very soul life of humans.
Living in a lie still kills and destroys authentic life, it lends encouragement to others to accept what is an imitation of what GOD has set forth as THE TRUTH.
It is another ‘arm’ of the continued assault upon the Bible as the source of what we need to know about God’s Creation and His intention for the design of marriage .
The damage may not be experienced in a person who has served the lying influences of demons who find no resistance in the minds of people who are clueless as to the way thoughts need to be confronted in their own minds with God’s Word to thwart them .
The Bible tells us to ‘mortify’ those things which will lead us to become involved with sin. Just saying ‘no’ to sin is not how the Bible instructs us to deal with thoughts which tempt us .
We are told to ‘submit to GOD , resist the devil , and he will flee from you’
How to ‘submit to God ‘ is to ‘take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ and that follows …”Cast down imaginations…and every HIGH THING that holds itself UP AGAINST the KNOWLEDGE of God …
The knowledge of the Word is available to people …but they must believe GOD is and that He is a REWARDER of those who DILIGENTLY SEEK Him.
That is to believe that as they stay in the process if ‘downloading ‘ the Word of God , daily in study of it as Jesus told us ..it is the ‘bread of life’ …digesting it by thinking over what GOD tells us to do in every circumstance and asking Him for strength to overcome and turn from sin.
God will never fail but He does not MAKE anyone do what His wisdom tells us .
The devil will work upon a person through thoughts that must be considered in comparison to what GOD says or those demonic ideas will work a way to convince people that they are ‘justified’ and then they act upon them.
The devil is not concerned so much with those who are already open to doing anything they feel like…it is the believer who is on target for challenges and many do not heed the warning of the Lord to become armed with the scriptures on the many subjects that would protect their love for their spouse…the family they have and their soul.
Indeed as you have stated it is sorrowful how many are not willing to forgo and starve their lust for the sake of anyone …and it is increasing as the world continues to shove the images that lead to lust and coveting in our faces.
Still we are called to learn to govern our lives by the wisdom of GOD and asking Jesus Christ to help as HE has saved us from the judgement which must be levered upon sin …yet for those who have entrusted themselves to Him He will guide us if we will obey the command to read and heed His words.
God Bless those who are struggling to continue to trust the Lord despite the pain of their present circumstance….and you for continuing to exhort those who are hurting to trust in the Lord and lean not to their own understanding.
Lola,
Thank you for writing. It is good hearing from you again. Your encouraging words mean a lot. People do need God’s word along with encouragement and direction on a daily basis. This is especially true when you are hurting related to an affair. Although the times change, truth does not. Fashions change, but human nature does not. Part of that human nature is the tendency to “go for it” when it comes to sexual appetites, which gets people into trouble.
The feelings, thinking and morals often get confused. During those confusing times, you need solid direction that has been proven year after year after year. Trendy fads only get you so far.
I hope things are going well with you. I have continued praying for you and your situation.
Best Regards,
Jeff
Hi Jeff…
I laughed because it has been such a long time since I wrote …I did not get your link in my email for a while…don’t know why…anyway I had forgotten my original name used here! Thank you for your kind words and remembering me and my family in your prayers.
My husband has still not come home and he still remains without any ‘explanation’ other than he just ‘can’t ” and ‘there’s nothing left of me’ …He seems in self imposed exile in his living by himself .
None of us have been to his ‘place’ so I only know what he tells me when he comes by to get our daughters for a ‘date’. Many times he does not even look at me or speak to me. Sad sack.
On the other hand most of his life is held in mystery and he still supports the children he had with his adulteress. I know very little about what is going on with them and he has stopped sharing photos of them about a year and a half ago which I found to be even more upsetting. It seems he feels that he needs to ‘protect’ them somehow from me and our family .
If that is not the case I don’t know what his thinking about this is. They have never had anything to fear from me or my family but I feel it is quite the reverse . There is no telling what kind of people those two will become as the upbringing has been very different than our family.
I did find out that he is not only sending child support but also paying out of our finances for part of the private school for the now teenager. So he is additionally spending what we all really could use for our own bills.
I simply have to stay close to the Lord and thank HIM for all of our financial needs and other needs being met …even through the man I am married to . This is to me a great work of the Lord that even those who are not HIS will function for the sake of those who do trust in Him.
Continuing to remain in my marriage covenant and keeping vows I made not to just my husband but before God is what I believe is wise and proper .
In this day and age family and churches do not take up those ‘widows and orphans ‘ care created when a man dies let alone is abandoning his vows.
I pray my husband will be delivered of the influences that he has served for so long …only the Lord can speak through the hardened heart to deliver this kind of wickedness.
He is bound and I feel that when I speak with him he is simply not really the one controlling his thoughts . This is the area God has told us that we must ‘cast down imaginations and every high thing that holds itself UP AGAINST the knowledge of GOD and take captive EVERY THOUGHT to the OBEDIENCE of Christ …without this going forward a person is not equipped to make a choice from truth but only from emotion and fleshly desires.
This renewed mind is the key to overcome …and even in grief it is what we must do . For those who keep on walking after the Lord and reading His Word they can trust that He will direct their path and protect them .
What others do ..and even believers is no criteria for what we are called to do …God is not to blame for what people do but He is the answer to our every sorrow and difficulty . He will make our paths straight if we are willing to diligently seek Him. The eventual rewards are understanding more and more as we trust in HIM alone.
Jesus is Lord and He is the Savior …people are then given the choice . Time is short ..and no man knows his time …everyone should stop and consider the way that Eternity will be their ultimate destiny…where and how they exist in it is up to their own effort to learn what Jesus Christ has said themselves.
Presumptions that they already KNOW about Him is not the same thing as KNOWING HIM through HIS Words which HE said are spirit and are life.
Thanks for your continued service to those who are hurting in this most distinct trial …may the need in every heart lead them to the Lord for victory…HIS victory in every aspect of this lifespan.
His,
Lola/Zaza!
[heeehhee…I guess I should just PICK one name and have done with it! ]