Glenda looked up and sternly proclaimed “I don’t need Jesus! I don’t need him at all.” She continued, ” I don’t know why he would hurt himself for me. I never asked him to.”
Glenda’s comments startled me when I heard them as she continued speaking loudly at the airport departure waiting gate. When someone loudly proclaims such statements about not needing someone, it gets your attention. It certainly grabbed mine.
Her comments started me thinking about spouses proclaiming “I don’t need you!” Such statements have both a shock value and rejection at the same time.
Affairs are bad enough. When you add this kind of thinking, it takes thing to a new level of rejection. An affair may have been momentary, yet not being needed is long term rejection
When you’re on the receiving end and are told that you’re not needed anymore it comes across as a severing of bonds at a deep level. “I don’t need you!” feels like you’re being booted out of their heart and life.
The unspoken part of such a statement is that there’s no room for you in their life anymore. There is no place for you. You’re no needed, nor wanted.
The nature of the relationship has changed in a major way. That change cuts off any connection between the two of you. You’re now both disconnected and devalued.
Glenda’s proclamation also told me that she doesn’t understand love. There are some spouses that don’t understand love. They can’t comprehend you doing things for them without a reason. In their minds, you must have a reason for doing things.
Having a relationship with those who don’t understand love is a no-win. They find a way of rejecting or demeaning any act of kindness or love you show them.
In their thinking, nice deeds don’t exist. When drivers let you in or give you a break, they have ulterior motives. In their mind, no one does things out of kindness or love.
This kind of thinking poisons your relationships. The motives behind every action are questioned. Life is approached with the questioning viewpoint of “What to they want out of me?”
That kind of thinking turns every act of love and consideration into something ugly. Such acts are examined in terms of “What do they want?” or “What are they hiding?”
Loving someone like often becomes discouraging. Their dismissives make any overtures of love or kindness frustrating. Their discounting of what you do will make you want to give up on them and the relationship.
At their core, there are intense hurts and rejections. They often make any attempt at loving them complicated. They will test and examine your efforts. Loving people like Glenda will test you to your core.
They’ve never experienced unconditional love, so they will sabotage it and test it. When someone has never known love, they don’t know how to deal with it when they encounter it.
Best Regards,
Jeff
One Response
Today is our 36th wedding anniversary
My husband has definitely spent our marriage trying to send this message…”I don’t need you …I don’t want you involved in my life” I have been something of a prop for whatever his reasons
I celebrate our marriage despite his departure because I have been learning more and more while he has made his “escape” to live unincumbered by the guide of God and His Word to find others he can use….Proving he does “need” ofhers ..but he is selective of what he is willing to receive and apparently without thought about what the other needs or even without any thought of true consideration of what his using them does to their lives
No one is necessary to him …at least that is what I have observed as I have seen his life unfold and how little he engages with the children we have had and who grew up thinking the man who is their father really cared but his work took him away for long periods of each day and now years of disconnect
He makes no excuse other than he has “always wanted a separate life”
He stated he never wanted to hurt anyone….yet he still uses people’s trust to get whatever he sees they have that he wants
When a person says they want the kind of freedom to do whatever they want with anyone they can get to be consensual they are saying the hurt and cost to those they use is not their “fault”
His comment regarding the OW and the children they had was “she settled”
This kind of self centered view disregards the whole meaning of life and the truth of each soul
People who do not know God the Bibke says do not know love…for God is love….but it is according to Gods defined and revealed character and demonstration which His Word reveals which kind of love also is defined by Gods Holiness…Justice….and truth
Many have a lot of pre conceived ideas to be exposed and set aside as they would enter into study of Gods word without looking to support presuppositions laid upon the increasing numbers of people who settle for whatever party line of the world…the flesh and the devil has been feeding generations upon generations
Happy Anneversary ….for as far as I can tell marriage as the God who created man and woman and joined them in marriage is to be central to each and involved in the true marriage He has set up for HIS GLORY and the good of the spouses and the children of the marriage ..and for the society to stabilize
The enemy of God and man has targeted marriage to the destruction of all …ALL
we see this today with grief every where the dam has broken and lust floods the nations
Thanks for your efforts Jeff
Jesus Christ will give the shout of a military commander and those who trust in Him will meet Him in the air
Then real hell will break loose
Only His mercy and long suffering delays with the hope none will refuse the savior
He takes no delight in the death of the wicked
Neither do I