One of the realities associated with the pain of affairs is that it does not respect boundaries. People can learn to respect boundaries, but pain does not. Whether it is boundaries made of financial status, religious orientation, age, profession, race, the pain of an affair does not see or stop for any of those. It crosses generational boundaries, carrying the hurt far into the future. The reality is that long after the cheater is dead and gone, the pain continues. This is one of the reasons that eliminating the cheater from your life will not ‘fix’ anything. It actually makes it harder to restore anything, since you can not deal with them and effect closure.
Another reality is that you probably waited until an affair happened or the threat of one happened before you did anything about it. Affairs are an area that few people take preventative measures. Prevention is always easier and better than trying to clean things up afterwards, but…that is how you have chosen to handle this situation. Although affairs recognize no boundaries, you will need to contain what you can. You may not have take preventative steps to stop it from happening, but you can take steps to stop it from spreading further than it needs to. Some of the things you can do include:
1) Be selective with who you share your emotions with
2) Think before you speak
3) Think before you speak
4) Learn to separate the person from the behavior
5) Let go of pain that is not yours
6) Take life one day at a time. Do not try to live in the past or live a month into the future.
7) Avoid making major decisions while in emotional pain
8) Get help from those who can navigate you through the situation. (You could also consider purchasing my e-book, which will take you through this).
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
