A few years ago, I encountered a challenging dilemma that hit on a key question. A distraught wife contacted me from Australia. She was desperate for answers.
Her husband wanted her to have a threesome. She was torn with the proposition. She wanted to please her husband, but didn’t feel right about his request.
A complicating angle was that he knew she was a believing Christian and he demanded she ‘submit’ to his request. This put her in a moral bind. She was unsure what to do and what the right thing was.
She had a double dose of guilt. One dose for displeasing her husband, a second concerned feeling the pressure of Biblical law being used in leveraging her.
She was confused about her husband, the Bible and how far things should go.
She now felt compelled to do what he requested, but had reservations about it.
Her situation haunted me for years with the question of “How far should I wife go in submitting to her husband?” Some of you may not like the word ‘submission’ and instead find yourself with the question of how far to go in pleasing your husband.
Submission is one of those words used in the domination community. Same word used with a different application and circumstances. In that circle, submission is clearly about control.
My answer to this is two-fold. One is refusing doing what is wrong, and the second is appealing to the higher authority.
The higher authority is following Scriptural directives or the moral tao. With the first one, you set boundaries and with the second, your attitude is not abrasive. Both parts are important.
Doing one without the other leads to more conflict. These aren’t easy answers to put into place. They may be simple, but they for sure aren’t easy or conflict free.
Then again, the whole situation is not a pleasant one. Your husband put you into an uncomfortable position where there are no easy answers.
This is one situation where avoiding conflict by going along with the request causes future problems either with internal guilt or searing your conscience. Using drugs or alcohol may numb the pain initially, yet it will return.
If you find yourself facing tough questions like this, you’ll find the Restored Lifestyle website community a place with direction and answers. The forums allow for discussion of such troubling questions that you and others like you struggle with in facing the affair.
Best Regards,
Jeff
