Have you ever dreamed of being a celebrity? When I was younger the idea of being a celebrity appealed to me. There was something exciting about reaching such status and having fans surrounding you.
Along the way, I’ve met my share of celebrities and notables. They have some enjoyable times, yet few celebrities discuss the down-side.
One of the down sides is what one researcher termed the “Nobel Prize Phenomena”. This happens when you’re so surrounded by people you can’t get your work done. You may be talented, yet your talent isn’t allowed expression due to the crowds.
This Nobel Prize Phenomena also does a number on trust and your ability to trust. You begin wondering “Why do they want to be with me?” You start questioning the motives of those surrounding you.
Although you may not be a celebrity, you find yourself asking the same question in your marriage. You wonder why your spouse wants to be with you. When this happens, it’s a signal that there are trust issues going on.
There’s likely some self-esteem issues as well, yet since my focus in on relationships, that’s what I’ll limit the conversation to.
In questioning why others want to be with you or around you, you’re in a state of distrust. You see what they’re doing, yet wonder about their motivation.
You’re in a place where you’re second guessing romantic gestures or any affection. You may even feel unworthy of their affections.
I’ve encountered some cheaters who take this position, assuming they aren’t worthy of love. They even go so far as to using the affair in proving their unworthiness.
In their mind, they don’t deserve love from you, so they seek it out from someone else. They may even tell you “You deserve someone better than me.”
They don’t understand trust or love. They are experiencing clueless-ness about some basic relationship need. If you’ve been saying it, you need some help regarding trust.
If you were a member of the Restored Lifestyle support community, you’d have access to the video “How Can I Trust You Again?” which addresses these trust issues.
Healthy relationships require healthy trust. You can’t have a healthy relationship if you’re going around questioning why to others want to be with you.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
