Looking at affairs from various perspectives often provides new insights in understanding the relationship. When you view an affair from the perspective of a business transaction you see some new items. For instance with the affair, an offer is made. Although the terms of the offer are often vague, the cheater goes for the deal. The cheater may be an experienced business person, yet fall for the offer and deal when it comes to an affair. The offer in the affair is often vague, as are the terms. This allows the parties to ‘read’ into their contract items that were never stated. There is often a BIG difference between the offer they think they are getting and what they actually agree to.
Each potential affair amounts to a potential partnership. The lover may end up being their spouse or setting the cheater up for a lawsuit, and gaining a significant portion of their business in the process. Each affair opens the door to liability and danger. Although the risk is high, many business persons ignore the risk and go ahead with their affair with an abandon that they would never have with any other business deal. You wonder if they put on their ‘stupid’ hat on the morning that the affair happened. “What were they thinking?” you may wonder. They often weren’t thinking or were so blinded in their thinking that they did not see the danger. With affairs, the cheater often only looks at what they get out of the deal, not what it is going to cost them. They make the deal before they heard the offer. That puts them at a disadvantage. They are already sold, before they know what it will cost them. They become emotionally engaged before they know the offer. Any good business man knows that you need to be clear on the offer and the terms before making the deal. With affairs, the deal is made, then the terms are negotiated.
Try re-examining the affair in terms of a business transaction and see for yourself what new insights you gain from it.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
One Response
Well it is pretty clear to me that my husband and the OW made a clear deal with all the details laid out at least at first…Throwing in the fact that the woman was hired after the affair started …by many months and was quickly promoted from newby to partner is also a good evidence that they simply made the most of the situation …She could receive more money that my husband’s position made but he could not take all of due to company policy and he could then give her far more money than she might have been able to make elsewhere. I find the fact that he told me that though people ‘always suspect ‘ mixed gender business partners of being ‘more’ that he felt that since he did not honor any of the gossip with any attention that they fooled everyone !
I am astonished when I think of how important my husband’s career was to him …probably way more than his marriage and family …that he would risk such a STUPID move …proof that sin make people brain dead in certain areas of the brain apparently.
I think also since they both made it clear from the beginning that marriage was not on the table that apparently this was the ongoing assumption even as she wanted to have children and he was the likely ‘donor’ …not because she was thinking marriage but more thinking money for life.
The devistation has not really effected my husband since he had little emotional investment in the long term adultery …but also apparently had little emotional investment in our marriage and family as is demonstrated by his ‘numbness’ toward anyone and all people now.
The sad thing for me to watch even as I try to get him to understand the need his children …both ours and the other ones is that THEY need to experience him as a fully aware person as to what he does and how it effects them …He has no interest in trying to gain understanding of this .
Business is not even ‘as usual ‘ since he now does not even carry out much of the interactions with any of those who he could need for further building his business….He seems to have imploded ,. This is a very intelligent and savvy man but he is more like a shell of the one he once was …it is really sad and kind of scary since we are all still quite dependent upon him .
We have been unsure of if we are going to move or not for now two years…having some stuff in storage and some packed in boxes all around the house .In the past we moved a lot and have had to deal with box ‘city ‘ in our home but this has been the worst …suspended living yet.
I certainly and thankful for our home and being able to stay as long as possible but it is just another outcome of marriage to someone so ‘defective’ as trying to hang in and work through …pretty much without his involvement. His cares , as much as he is able , are mostly oriented toward not losing our home which is good ..and concerns about what is happening with the other children who are now both in therapy and both on some kind of psychotropic drugs ..I told him I thought he should try to connect with their therapist to stay informed and in the loop so he knows what is going on with them.
I guess this is the part of the vows that is for ‘worse’ ….somehow I had not thought of this being that kind of ‘worse’ but life is full of surprises…