During the conflicts that arise associated with affairs, it is common that one spouse will attempt to excuse what they say and do based solely on their intentions. They assume that if they did or said something with ‘good’ intentions, it makes their actions acceptable. In their own mind, they often do not believe they have done anything wrong. The spouse on the receiving end knows better. They know the pain of unkind or cruel words and actions. The message that goes out from the well-meaning spouse may not be the message that was transmitted. Oftentimes spouses react to the the attitude rather than the intent of the message. If you meant well, but expressed it in a mean or unkind manner, you spouse saw meanness, not that you meant well.
In rebuilding the relationship, consider the attitude of your communication rather than your intent, since that is often what your spouse will react to. Good intentions may soothe the heart of the person doing cruel acts, but it does little to comfort or reassure the spouse on the receiving end of the “well intended” cruelty.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
