In the aftermath of the deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, the media puts it googly eyes of attention on depression and suicide. When they put attention on the topic, that shift often brings self-introspection in these areas.
Being a mental health professional, I’ve grown accustomed to the cyclical aspect of news cycles when it comes to such issues. In the common vernacular where I come from, “It’s not my first rodeo.”
Bringing attention to the topic has a way of bringing out more depression and nihilistic thoughts.
With this focus on the topic, when a reader wrote me a question on the topic, it grabbed my attention. She posed the question “Why do I feel suicidal if the cheater is the one who did wrong?”
First, the affair brought many losses. You lost your security, hope, your sense of being special, and your identity. With losses like that, there’s emotional fallout.
Any loss hurts. Major losses also reactivate other hurts in your life. Physiologically your body is in alarm status.
You may view the cheater as the source of all the pain. They may have brought it, yet you are the one having to handle it. It’s as if a dump truck full of pain just dropped their load in your life.
When that much pain is suddenly dumped in your life, you’ll feel overwhelmed. If you’ve had previous relationship hurts in a similar manner it can feel like something bad is happening all over again.
If you’re a caretaker, you may find yourself taking on MORE than your share of pain. You have your pain and theirs. Part of you may desire protecting them from pain.
One lesson you’ll learn during recovery is to stop picking up pain that doesn’t belong to you.
Your mind has a way of amplifying and making the pain sound like it’ll be around forever. When there’s no hope in sight, it deflates your hope.
When you’re hurting like that, you need support and help. Your world just caved in, so there’s a reason for you feeling so bad.
Initially the cheater will be relieved while you’re reeling in pain. The pain will go back and forth during affair recovery.
The good news is that the pain doesn’t last forever. You can make it through this. You’ll need direction and support. One place you can find support is by joining the support community at Restored Lifestyle. There, you’ll find others who are facing similar issues along with videos you can watch as you are ready for them.
Best Regards,
Jeff
