Living with a narcissist challenges you in ways you never imagined. They have ways of making every problem or inconvenience your fault, whether or not you’re responsible for it.
Although some affair recovery specialists frown on calling out narcissists, I find that recovery works best when you’re honest with yourself and tackle the issues in your marriage with rigorous honesty. In their mind, referring to your cheating spouse as a narcissist interferes with affair recovery.
Other affair recovery experts consider your marriage as unsalvageable when the betrayer is a narcissist. Recovering from an affair with a narcissist requires considerable effort which will take you outside of your comfort zone. That doesn’t make it unsalvageable, but it does make it uncomfortable.
I think the issues need a frank honesty. If they are being narcissistic, dancing around the issue isn’t doing you or them any favors.
If you’re facing narcissistic tendencies, the first step in dealing with them is admitting they exist and discussing them. Those tendencies have to be discussed in order to come up with a plan for dealing with them.
When you can’t be honest with yourself, it limits your ability to engage honestly with your spouse.If you can’t be honest with your spouse, it limits your ability to recover from the affair and improve your marriage.
You can deal with narcissistic tendencies honestly and have a functional marriage.
Neither the cheater or you are perfect. Being honest about imperfections doesn’t mean that your marriage relationship has to suffer.
Your marriage vows included a phrase about ‘in sickness and in health’. That phrase means that you accept them with their flaws rather than use those flaws as a condition that gives you an out.
Functional marriages have spouses that love each other with imperfections and all. Being blind to imperfections or denying them is a disservice to you and them.
In dealing with narcissist behavior there are times that they’ll accuse you of things they’ve done or thought of. This is a way of letting you know their fears and concerns.
The narcissist may even accuse you of having an affair, when they’re actually the ones struggling with that concern. Handling those accusations without attacking back or reacting with excess defensiveness takes practice.
Dealing with those accusations can leave you feeling overwhelmed. This is where having the support and help of personal consultation will help. Together we can decipher what is going on and develop a plan for dealing with it.
I have some time slots available for weekly intensive consultations. If you’re interested, write to me at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com to see what times are available.
With an intensive consultation package, you’ll receive weekly 1-hour calls and email support throughout the month.
Rather than being overwhelmed and feel like you’re drowning in chaos, reach out for help today. Living with a narcissist can leave you feeling like the life has been sucked out of you.
You don’t have to stay emotionally depleted and be their emotional punching bag.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
