A curious reader wrote in wanting to know what the consequences of sharing your wife are. For someone to even consider such a question is filled with all kinds of confused and twisted thinking.
One’s wife is not a possession to be shared. Treating a wife as if she’s a possession is filled with problems.
I recognize that this way of thinking continues in some communities, so it’s not an imaginary scenario.
I’ve also worked with couples where a wife was shared as a form of payment for illicit dealings. Those situations didn’t turn out well.
The first consequence is a weakening and cheapening of the bond between you and your spouse. The special relationship you had changes with sharing a wife. That bonding is on several levels.
The damage to the bonding starts immediately, although you may not feel its effects for a while. The damage is also something that can’t be undone.
Secondly, sharing your wife also spreads insecurities. Your marriage loses any sense of security it once held. When relationships are insecure, fear drives an increasing amount of decisions.
Fear is a powerful emotion and interferes with their thinking and decision-making. Fear also makes them and yourself more vulnerable to being exploited. It puts you in a world filled with secrets and manipulation.
Thirdly, it damages their self-confidence. They may appear confident on the outside, yet on the inside, they are filled with doubts and insecurities.
A better question would have been whether the consequences of a wife being shared can be healed along with how to do that. There are consequences, and healing them is possible.
A good place to start is with the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma”. In it are methods and tools for moving past the trauma that comes with sharing your wife.
The images, sensations and self-inflicted damage can be overcome with effort. The video shows you what you can do to put those things behind you.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
