Have you ever considered what the main job is in your marriage? If you view marriage as an arrangement dedicated to legally sanctioned hedonism, then everything that you do should be about making yourself or your spouse happy. The extended family them becomes support in this effort. When one of the parties is no longer happy, then the job is over and the job is at an end. An affair is such cases would signal the end of the job, and the beginning of another one.
If on the other hand, you view the main job in marriage as that of raising good kids, then happiness becomes a secondary issue. The raising of the children becomes the primary focus and purpose. The extended family’s purpose is to help you with the task. In such cases, cheating interferes with the main purpose of the marriage. Since the raising of children never ends, your job as spouse and parent never ceases either, until your death.
If you view the purpose of marriage as making money and providing, then the relationship is supposed to be a team. When the team reaches a specified goal, the job is over. In such cases, an affair could either enhance or distract from money making potential for the couple.
In some cases, marriages are arranged as part of a social agreement between families. It is part of maintaining a peace agreement or preserving the culture, religion or wealth of the two families. In such cases, the marriage amounts to a business arrangement where the purpose is to maintain the relationships or treaty that presently exists. Affairs would disrupt those special arrangements by bringing all the chaos into the home, rather than maintaining the peace the agreement brought.
There may be other ‘main jobs’ for the marriage, although this covers the major ones. What you consider the main job is important, since it will determine how you view the relationship and the context you put the affair in. I am not attempting to force one view or another on you, just to make you think and consider what your main job is in the marriage. You may have never thought through this question and the ramifications it has with it. It is my hope that you do consider the question and use the results to re-evaluate and strengthen your marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
