One of the catch phrases used by Cheater that grinds me is “It meant nothing!” When cheaters say it, they’re dismissing the effects of the affair.
Their admission is a huge statement about the value they place on intimacy with you. In this case, it’s about the lover, yet the statement casts a shadow on their intimacy with you as well.
They hope that in saying ‘the affair’ meant nothing to them, that it won’t be a big deal for you as well. They just want their recreational sex.
If other sexual relationships mean nothing, I wonder if their relationship with you is handled the same way.
They don’t stop and consider that the affair meant enough for them to violate their marriage vow. It meant enough for them to hide it from you as if it was a precious and highly valued secret treasure.
By their actions, they are showing you that they only value what’s important to themselves. They aren’t considering whether the affair meant something to you.
Did they even ask you “What does the affair mean to you?”
They haven’t considered that what they did impact people besides themselves. They’re showing you that the only opinion and assessment that matters is theirs.
They’re also hoping that their opinion will be your opinion. Even though the cheater may not view what they’re doing as a form of mind control, it has all the signs of it.
The statement dismisses any difference of opinion on the matter of the affair. What you think is ignored or minimized. Although they say “It meant nothing!”, their actions are about making your objections and opinions amount to nothing.
They want to control what you think about their affair in terms of how serious a threat it is to your marriage. Whether or not the affair is a threat, the attitude of the cheater is definitely a threat to the security and stability of your marriage.
When your spouse has the attitude that “It meant nothing to me!”, it’s time for action. That statement is a red flare signal that your marriage needs help.
If it was ‘no big deal’, then going through the Affair Recovery Workshop to clean up the effects, including those on attitude won’t be a big challenge for them either.
Your marriage means a lot to you. Your marriage should mean a lot to them as well. Working together on recovering from what happened will put your marriage in a stronger place.
Click and download the workshop today. Although it requires effort, when the cheater views the affair as no big deal, then going through the clean-up shouldn’t present a challenge for them either.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
