It is frustrating trying to engage and hold a meaningful conversation with someone who is unavailable. Although some cheaters do intentionally put up roadblocks and keep you out of their heart, not all of them do. If your spouse has a long history of abusive dealings with people and shallow relationships, they may not have a deep heart to have your long desired heart to heart conversation with. You may be longing for connection with them and the truth of the situation is that they are already being as heart-to-heart with you as they are capable.
Years ago, I learned that there are some people who are just ‘shallow’. There really is not much to them. Yes, they feel things, think things and have dreams, yet there are not some special depth to their soul that they are hiding. It is just plain not there. I found myself frustrated when I tried to engage with them and felt that ‘there must be something more’. I was the one imagining something more. One day I woke up to the reality that they really were ‘that shallow’. What I saw was who they were. When I began accepting them as they were, without any expectations of deep conversation, the relationship improved.
If you are frustrated with your efforts at finding depth that is not there, you may need to consider accepting your spouse as they are. It is hard to get blood out of turnips and it is equally hard to get depth out of shallow people. There may actually be little depth or deep feelings or depth to their being. When you accept such people as they are, you may find yourself surprised as the occasional insights they have. Rather than force them into some undiscovered country of soul sharing, you may find them wiling to take steps with you into those unexplored areas in their soul.
There may very well not be some deep dark reason behind their cheating. It may have been as simple as ‘they were horny’ or they did not think that they would get caught.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
