Back in the 90’s I was a college professor at the local junior college. Although I enjoyed teaching general psychology, there were some topics that didn’t inspire the students in my classes.
I’m not sure if it was the textbook I was required to use or the mastery topics required by the college itself. Over the years I tried many different approaches to these topics and they still come across as dryer than an overcooked turkey.
One of those topics was that of ‘attribution’. The irony is that although the topic is a dry one in the classroom, it’s often behind many questions ask of those in the field of counseling. People want to know ‘why’ certain behaviors happen.
So, just what is attribution? Attribution can be defined as the process by which we attempt to explain the reasons behind the behavior. It’s often closely tied with how we talk about others and ourselves.
The answer to that ‘why’ question is what is called ‘attribution.’ People want to know all about the why’s when it concerns them, yet doing the hard work on understanding what attribution is and how researchers come up with those answers is where students fall asleep.
Students wanted fast, simple answers. They didn’t want to do the work at uncovering everything being attribution, I understand that. Even now as you are dealing with the affair in your life, you want fast answers rather than long explanations.
Take for instance a reader who asked “Is a mental health issue an excuse to cheat?”
When cheaters are intentional and determined to cheat, they” find an excuse that fits. When cheating is part of sexual addiction or love addiction, they find excuses to explain what they did.
With addictions, the excuse that works best is the one that you’ll believe.
When it comes to mental health, there are situations where a person’s mental health issue drove their cheating. These situations happen. If the affair really was driven by mental health issues, addressing those issues is a greater priority than the affair.
If the cheater is determined to find an excuse, they’ll come up with an explanation. History shows that it will be one you can’t prove or disprove because it’s just their story and there is no tangible evidence to back up their version of events.
The hard part is determining what part of the cheating was mental health and what part was intentional. What’s clear is that no matter what the motivation for the affair, you have to deal with the consequences of it.
Your marriage relationship needs repair of the damage brought on by the affair. This is where the Affair Recovery Workshop helps. The instruction from this download guides you in keeping your sanity as you deal with repairing the damage that was done.
You can download it from the link. Within a few minutes, you can start repairing that damage rather than stressing out about figuring out why it happened.
The important question worth considering is “Now that they’ve cheated, what are you going to do?”
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
