If you can rank affairs in terms of degrees of difficulty to overcome, there are some that are more difficult to overcome than others. The types that are very very difficult include affairs with family members, underage friends of your child, friends of your child, and neighbors. Although each of these categories could be addressed at length, today’s posting is about neighbors.
Since you have to deal with these people on a day in and day out basis, overcoming affairs with them is exceptionally painful. The pain and tension often spread and effect the nearby neighbors as well. Reputations for the adulterers are soiled. Sometimes this soiling spreads to the families of the adulterers. (The reason for this is that some people often react to affairs like they would a contagious disease. Since the sources of contagious diseases are shunned, the families may find themselves shunned as well). Involving neighbors sets up a pattern of secrets and divided loyalties. These tensions can spread to the local community through churches and schools. Although affairs with family members is painful, the family members can be avoided. With neighbors, contact with them cannot be avoided. Every contact carries with it the reminder of what happened and serves to trigger all the fantasies about what transpired.
Dealing with affairs between neighbors takes some added effort and time in overcoming its effects. If you are working through such a situation, remember that since it is more complex, it will take more time to heal. You may have to adjust your expectations about time frames in such situations.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murra
