About a year ago, I did an episode of affair recovery radio on the topic ofim-being-blackmailed-into-an-affair/”> being blackmailed into an affair. I was reminded of this when I saw the recent Rachel Dolezal story on how she claims she was forced into making a sex tape.
These are ugly reminders that some affairs are driven by force. You can be forced into an affair. Stolen kisses may be sweet, but stolen affections are ugly when it comes to affairs. There may be the excitement of doing something that is sneaky and clandestine, but it quickly turns ugly. Such affairs make for titillating movies, yet in real life, they hurt people and families. There is nothing enjoyable about a stolen affair.
These are ugly and unpleasant relationships. Many times spouses may force you into ugly situations and take pictures. These are later used against you in what is often bitter and ugly situations. Affairs are never pretty. When blackmail is combined with an affair, the hurt is deep and desperate. The relationship turns into a controlling power play where the excitement is driven more by power than by love and affection.
Relationships driven by blackmail are not about love. They are about control and dominance. Relationships built on coercion are intense, but they are not genuine, since they are not legitimate nor driven by choices of the heart. Instead they are driven by fears and desperation.
The media and pop culture may debate whether or not Rachel Dolezal is a good person, bad person or confused person. In the jury of popular culture, many things turn ugly. What I know is that when a spouse uses photos and movies to blackmail or force their spouse into doing unacceptable acts, including affairs, it is never pretty. Such actions damage the reputation of marriage and leave ugly scars that last years after the news stories die down.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
