When your spouse cheats, the pain cuts deep. They made a series of bad choices that you believe have ruined your life and your family. Yes, they did make some bad choices. Yes, they were selfish in what they did. Yes they were thoughtless and inconsiderate in what they did.
Will getting rid of them solve your problems? Is the problem all them? It is easy to play pin the tail on the donkey (you may refer to it as “blaming the ass for the problems they caused”). Finding someone to blame, be it your spouse, the other woman (or man) only gives you a target. They may the the focal point of your anger and a place to vent your spleen. It is true they may be the person who is blamed. At the same time, their cheating is likely a symptom of a much bigger problem. The cheating was likely their solution to problems in the relationship. If the problem was all them, then removing them from the picture would ‘fix’ everything.
Would removing your spouse fix anything? It may satisfy your desire for revenge, but it will not fix the relationship. It will not take away the pain. It will not heal the family. Your pain has kept you from seeing the ‘big’ picture that there is something wrong with the relationship. There are pains bigger than the cheating. If you think the cheating is the whole problem, you need to think again. Yes, the cheating is where it hurts, but in most cases, it is not the source of all the problems. Long before the cheating happened, the two of you drifted apart. Long before your spouse met their lover, there were secrets and communication problems in your relationship. The cheating will get your attention off those problems, but it does not mean that they are solved.
The bottom line is this. The cheating may be a symptom of the problem, rather than the problem itself. In order to have the most effective healing you need to address the problem and not just numb the pain of the symptom. The pain is your body alerting you to take action. In order to get long term healing you need to deal with the root of the problem rather than the surface symptom.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
