One of the potential dangers with affairs is that of stalkers. There are many people who are pleasant enough on the outside, yet once their passions are stimulated become a monster.
Anytime a cheater easily gets into someone’s pants, there is a reason. One of those reasons is that they have poor self-control. They may be a ‘stalking monster’ in disguise.
Monsters rarely show their dangerous side when you first meet them. They will appear charming so that you let down your guard.
The monster may be the lover, spouse of a lover, or a wandering spouse. What starts as an obsession, soon escalates to controlling. With the obsessing, they being viewing you as an ‘object.’ Once they have objectified you, they begin their controlling behavior.
When people don’t have good social skills, they resort to using control in their relationships. The controlling escalates to stalking. They believe that they must have you, know where you are and who you are talking to.
Even when they can’t be with you, stalkers hold onto the idea of knowing everything about you. The stalking may be in person, or electronically. Since they view you as an object, there is no hesitancy to violating your space.
When questioned, they will profess love, caring and protection, even though you know it as smothering and controlling.This is hard for them to accept. What they view as ‘protection’ is experienced by you as controlling and stalking.
When left unchecked, the stalking can escalate to violence. The violence may be directed against you, your property, your family, or something important to you. Violence is merely another way of them controlling you.
When faced with such situations, what do you do?
1. Leave the situation. If you can’t leave, begin setting firm boundaries. After you leave, set boundaries. Establishing boundaries is a way of protecting your safety and peace of mind.
2. Create an island of safety. This may be a room, a place you visit or a friends. You will need a place to gather your thoughts. Since they often say things that create confusion, you will need a place to sort things out.
3. Pray. You will need peace of mind and centering in dealing with this challenge.
4. Begin making choices to take care of yourself, rather than avoiding irritating the stalker. The stalker has a way of dominating your thoughts. You start making choices based on their reactions rather than your best interest. This will take time to change.
There are more steps to take. These will start you on your way to freedom. We have more resources available for helping you through your situation.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
