In my personal reading yesterday, I encountered a commentary on what was a seemingly mundane passage that opened my eyes to some insights regarding affairs. The passage in question is from Leviticus.19:14: “Thou shalt not put a stumbling block before the blind.”
Are you blind to the dangers of affairs?
If you are like me, I often viewed that passage as a reminder of showing kindness to the handicapped. But the commentary explained it in a way that showed me that it also contains a message of how we need to warn the blind of potential dangers. Although we may not be removing an “actual” stumbling block, warning people of potential dangers removes the risk of potential stumbling blocks.
Have you considered this passage as it applies to affairs? I did. It reminded me that you and others need to be warned of potential dangers. In many segments of modern culture, people are “blind” to the dangers of affairs. You or your spouse may be one of those who have been de-sensitized to the dangers and risks associated with infidelity.
Television, movies, music, and tabloid journalism have numbed many of you when it comes to the dangers of affairs. In previous generations, the threat of VD and STDs served as a deterrents. There were also plenty of Bible-believing preachers who also warned people of the dangers, and the culture itself was not supportive of affairs. Those who had affairs were shunned and avoided.
In today’s society, you are bombarded with the mindset that pharmaceutical answers exist to STDs. Although the reality is that some STDs still have no cure, there has been little mention of this. There are still pharmacy answers to the symptoms, and with many people, the “out of sight, out of mind” way of living exists. If they see no symptoms, the assumption is that it is not a problem. They fool their brain into thinking they are “cured” or “medicated.” There is a huge difference between cured and medicated, but those in the “out of sight, out of mind” way of thinking do not want to be bothered with reality.
Many churches no longer preach against affairs, since it might offend some of the members and those who donate to the church. Out of fear of “offending some,” messages that may have kept some spouses from straying are few and far between. In the name of glad alliance, greater light, or some other smooth-sounding title, many churches now have much in common with the free love movements of the sixties.
When all sexual orientations and practices are allowed, there is little or no room to stand against adultery. You can’t speak out against sexual immorality when you are welcoming those with any sexual orientation. Doing so would confuse people with mixed messages.
Those passages in the Bible that warn about adultery and sexual immorality are either left to private interpretation nor considered as old, worn out, patriarchal leftovers. In some cases, they are replaced with smoother sounding messages of acceptance and self-expression. This means that many in our society are unaware that adultery is wrong. Sure, adultery is still a crime in the military code of justice, but “proving it” makes the process such a challenge that it renders that law of little effect.
What all this means for you is that, between the medical advances, changes in the churches, sexual revolution, and popular media, many people are unaware that infidelity is bad. With it often being celebrated in movies and other places, it has now been elevated to the status of “normal.” No longer are cheaters shunned or shamed. There is no longer much sting to the scarlet letter of adultery being attached to people. In other words, many in today’s society are blind to the dangers of infidelity.
This means that those that are aware of the dangers have a duty to “remove the stumbling blocks from the blind.” Part of my job is warning you and those you care about concerning the dangers and risks associated with affairs, and extending a helping hand to those who have stumbled.
You may wonder, “What are the dangers?” The dangers of STDs are still there. There is also the risk of violence in the form of increased risk of murder or suicide. Keep in mind that jealous spouses or lovers are not thinking straight when they are in a rage. Brain science is now understanding the nature of bonding, with its chemical and neurological connection building. When you have an affair, you are building connections that last a lifetime. Affairs also weaken marital and family bonds.
Affairs often open the door to drug and alcohol abuse as well. Researchers are also beginning to understand the effects of trauma on your functioning. No matter how it may be excused, the affair still produces trauma-inducing situations. There is also the alienation that occurs.
Science has yet to understand how many generations the effects of the affair will impact. The science of epigenetics is now understanding how the diet of grandparents impacts their grandchildren. It will only be a matter of time before they understand how the lifestyle and relationships of grandparents impact grandchildren in terms of the genetic messages that are transmitted through genetic and chemical messages passed down through the generations.
When something as traumatic and powerful as an affair happens, it changes people chemically and genetically. The extent to which that incident changes things downstream is on the frontier of discovery.
What this means is that affairs are not something “just between two adults.” They impact generations, and society as a whole. They impact your health. Although the dangers have not been talked about in society at large, it does not mean that they do not exist.
When it comes time to clean up the mess created by an affair, you will want to consider the Affair Recovery Workshop as part of your recovery plan.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
