While working on a new video, I came across an intriguing quote. What made it intriguing is that there is power to a good quotes that put into words simple truths and ideas.
The quote was “Everyday life involves a secession of misunderstandings and apologies“. It is by a French therapist named Jacques Lacan. Although many Americans never heard of him, Lacan ran around with James Joyce, Salvador Dali and many other creative thinkers who are still misunderstood if not viewed as outright weird.
As a therapist, he studied everyday interactions and how they’re expressed, down to the words you use. Those words you use every day with your spouse are important. Those everyday interactions are what either encourages you or discourages you in your marriage.
They build you up or tear you down. I suppose that those of you who take the ‘life sucks’ attitude have been discouraged in some of those everyday interactions. How you handle being misunderstood and misunderstanding others is what’s important.
Lacan’s quote reminded me that you will be misunderstood today, even by those close to you. There is no promise that everyone will understand you or get you. If anything, it’s just the opposite.
They’re not going to get you, and someone’s going to have to end up apologizing. There are days when those misunderstandings and apologies are more than you can handle.
It may seem like a little thing, yet those little things add up. Those are often the ‘little things’ that build up to the point when people view affairs as an answer to their problem.
When the problem is that you’re discouraged from being misunderstood, you’re vulnerable to someone who acts like they ‘get you’, understand what you’re going through, and what you’re trying to say.
A better solution lies in taking steps that increase how well you and your spouse understand each other. With what the two of you have been through, there are many shared experiences, both good and bad.
It’s not the ratio of good to bad experiences that makes for a good marriage, it’s whether or not you feel understood by your spouse, and whether they feel understood by you.
Improving the communication in your marriage always pays dividends. In everyday life, you likely take communication and being understood for granted. You may even think you’re a good communicator, and view your spouse as the one who misunderstands you.
Your own ego keeps you from admitting that there are things you can learn that reduce the chances of you being misunderstood.
This is where my “30 Days to a Better Marriage” comes in. This program provides you with simple daily tasks that start turning your marriage around. When you feel understood, it makes everyday life an encouraging experience, rather than one that sucks another 24 hours from your existence.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
