One of the hard truths you will find yourself facing in dealing with the affair is the realization that the affair was a ‘solution’ to a problem. Affairs are used in ‘fixing’ something. The affair solution happened.
It’s tempting viewing the affair as ‘the problem’ rather than a solution. Although it’s convenient to do so, any intervention you have based on ‘the affair being the problem’ will be inadequate.
Fixing the wrong problem amounts to not fixing the problem.
Making the mental shift to seeing the affair as a solution is difficult. It changes the dynamics of the relationship.
When you view the affair as a solution, then you and your spouse have some changes to make in your relationship. You realize that the affair didn’t ‘just happen’ in most cases.
When the affair is the solution, you no longer have the lover to blame. They played a part, yet you realize if it had not been that lover, it would have been someone else.
The lover would also not have been able to make much headway had everything been right in your marriage. Seduction doesn’t work well when it encounters someone who is 100% committed to their marriage.
When a spouse is committed they avoid dangerous situations where they can be compromised and talking about people making passes at them with you. When all is right at home, there’s no need for wandering eyes.
The two of you need a ‘better solution‘ to your problems than the affair. The both of you will need to find other solutions to the real problem.
Real problems need real solutions that work for both of you. If the solution only works for one of you, it is not a ‘real solution’, but only a temporary fix.
If your marriage is going to be a long-term commitment, it will need more than a temporary fix. Long term commitments require long term solutions.
When you start viewing the affair as the solution, you will see the real problem in a new light and see new options.
The downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop” guides you in dealing with both the problem and the wrong solution. Recovery takes more than just erasing the affair.
Effective recovery requires a marriage relationship make over. Your relationship needs help. The workshop guides you regarding what changes are needed, where to make them and when to do it. You no longer have to guess if what you’re your doing will work.
You can instead use proven techniques in turning your marriage around.
Best Regards,
Jeff
