Lies are the lifeblood of an affair. The whole relationship starts with a lie, lives on lies, and surrounds those involved with lies.
It’s no surprise that one of the symbols associated with lies is two fingers cross-intertwined with each other. In a similar way, lies get you twisted and turned around.
The lies start out small and innocent. A white lie – Its’s like a knot that never quite gets untied. Lies can make people do things they wouldn’t normally do, or feel things they shouldn’t normally feel. Sometimes these lies cause guilt and regret that can haunt you for years to come.
With so many lies being told and spread, it’s no wonder that you feel overwhelmed by them.
Lies by their very nature are designed to misdirect and confuse you. In the case of misdirection, you’re led to believe something that isn’t true.
The most powerful misdirection happens when the cheater gives you enough misdirection and you come to the wrong conclusion. Since you came to the conclusion, you believe it.
In these cases, they didn’t lie about the conclusion you came to, you jumped to that conclusion yourself and believed it.
Lies designed to confuse give you contradictory messages. At those moments, your mind is paralyzed by the contradictions. At that point, you’re not sure what to believe.
Whatever type of lying happens, they all result in destruction. Something or someone is going to be destroyed by them.
What gets destroyed may be trust, your confidence, your marriage, or your sanity. Lies don’t know when or where to stop. Once unleashed, they take off on a path of destruction.
One of the other effects of lies is how it destroys manners and decency. This happens after it leaves you unsure of what’s true. When you’re unsure what’s true, force and manipulation are the way problems are settled.
The way to counter lies is by telling yourself the truth and believing the truth about what’s going on. You start by telling yourself the truth about what’s going on. It also means you start rejecting the lies you’re being told. Some of the lies come from your spouse and some come from yourself.
Giving yourself permission to reject lies is an important milestone in the recovery process. This is why I address the topic early in the affair recovery process. You need truth before you start analyzing what caused the affair or what kind of affair it is.
Seeking causes and types of affairs before learning how to tell yourself the truth and reject lies can lead you to wrong conclusions. The first conclusion you need to make is that lying has no place in a relationship. Reject lies and seek the truth. In the end, it’s more beneficial for everyone involved. No one wants lies in their life or relationship and by rejecting them, you can start to work on healing your marriage.
In the video “Getting Past the Affair Crisis”, I share ways of telling yourself the truth. The more you tell yourself the truth, the less likely you’ll fall for the lies and deceptions.
Click and download the video today. In minutes you can be changing the direction you are headed and what your mind is focused on. Getting your head and heart clear and straight gives you a healthy place to start healing.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
