Although I typically support the importance of listening to family counsel, there are times when it’s best to ignore it. This is one of the painful lessons I’ve learned from my wife.
My wife informed me that during the time her mother lived with us, her family counsel was spreading poison rather than sound counsel. When family counsel focuses on dismantling the family or destroying a marriage, it loses its position of influence.
What happened was that my mother-in-law told my wife that I was having an affair anytime I was later getting home from work than she thought I should be. But no matter how hard I tried, it was virtually impossible to make it home at the exact right time when you encounter traffic. It’s a common experience for many men.
While her mother helped motivate my wife to keep a closer tab on my whereabouts, her family counsel was another story. In their minds, I wasn’t home enough and that meant I must be having an affair.
Working as a counselor, handling emotional issues and crises don’t follow factory schedules. Then there’s traffic and required paperwork. Factors like these made my arrival times inconsistent.
Although when I arrived home varied, for my Mother-in-law, any tardiness signaled I was having an affair. She consistently made sure that any lateness on my part was regarded as an affair.
What made things worse was that her solution to ‘my affair’ was that her daughter ‘divorce me’. In her mind divorcing me would remedy the situation. She always had her solution to any problem.
This was part of her agenda. She used any anomaly or crisis as an opportunity to forward her agendas.
Since her husband cheated on her, I understand her suspicious nature. She believed that “All men cheat”, and was bound and determined to prove it.
Fortunately, my wife didn’t listen to her mother’s advice. She saw that it was focused on destroying the family. Although she didn’t listen, the tensions and fears generated by the negativity stressed out everyone in our home.
Many of you have someone in your life like my mother-in-law, who see affairs every chance they get. They also work on weak minds, planting seeds of fear and doubt. They hope that with enough doubt, divorce will be an option.
When those planting doubts are family members or close friends, it damages the harmony of your home. Even if there had been an affair, the hostile environment would make any reconciliation difficult.
There are times to ignore family advice, like when the focus is on destruction rather than healing. When lies are valued more than truth.
Being inundated with such negative thinking wears on you and your mind. Fear is contagious. Fighting it off gets old.
There are times when you find yourself traumatized just by being in toxic surroundings. Being surrounded by negativity, fear and false reports damages trust.
It took us a while to rebuild trust after her mother left. Repairing the damage done took some time.
You can benefit from what we learned from those episodes. In the download of “How Can I Trust You Again?”, you’ll gain the tools and insights needed for restoring trust in your marriage and home.
It could be that the one damaging the trust wasn’t either one of you, yet the two of you are faced with finding ways of cleaning up the damage done to your marriage, home and family.
Order your copy today and find out what it’s like having a marriage filled with trust, where you want to return home rather than avoid it or think the worst of your spouse anytime they’re running late.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
