If you missed the webinar “Don’t let the Ho-Ho-Ho’s ruin your Holidays” last night, you missed a good one. Many of the areas you have questions about were addressed including lying, signs of cheating, dealing with the signs of cheating, unique challenges for the holidays and affairs, and dealing with triggers. The topic of triggers was one that generated activity.
One of the questions asked concerned dealing with triggers of past attractions in the workplace. You may have worked on getting your marriage back on track and find yourself feeling the pull of past attractions. You do not want to slip, yet still struggle with the pull of past attraction. Like gravity, you can feel the sensation of being drawn. This is unnerving and unsettling. You are heading in a good direction and do not want to go through the struggle again.
The challenge of those attractions is one of the dangers of workplace affairs. What seems innocent fun at the time actually sets up emotional mine fields, if not political ones for the future.
In working your way through it, it is going to be necessary to ‘re-program’ your triggers. A few people can turn their triggers off. You are likely in the majority who have trouble turning emotions on and off at a moments notice. Like stopping a car going down hill, you will need to be patient, plan ahead and take it slow. That means you will need to take steps to slow your responses. Recognize that your body is playing tricks on you at this time. You do not have to give into those urges. You can say no. It will take time to develop the resistance, but it can be done. The first step is being honest with yourself about the trigger and the second is to be realistic in re-programming your triggers. It is going to take time for the neurons to be re-routed and changed in your brain.
It is my hope to provide more details on overcoming triggers in the upcoming “Affair Recovery Group” that begins in January. If you are interested visit the site.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
