Affairs are painful and hard to deal with. They are even more painful when you are reminded of the affair on a daily basis. When your spouse has an affair with the neighbor, you have to see their house or drive past it on a daily basis, each time being reminded of what happened.
Perhaps instead of a neighborhood affair, it’s a workplace affair that’s constantly ‘in your face’. Your spouse may claim that the affair is over, yet they go to work each day with the lover, claiming that they need their job, that the economy is bad, or that they can not fire their lover.
In such cases, the affair is constantly before you. Like a dog, whose nose is constantly rubbed into their waste, your nose is rubbed into the filth of the affair. The stench of what happened is constantly before you.
Cheaters don’t understand the pain this brings with it. It becomes a nightmare that never ends. The constant reminders keep the pain fresh and vivid.
Dealing with such situations calls for some tougher interventions. If you are the cheater, you need to show more commitment to your marriage.It’s past time for talk. What’s needed is action.
That means you have to reaffirm your spouse of your love, or that you call them more frequently, or that you give them more updates on your activities. When you put your spouse is a tougher situation, it means that you have to have stronger answers and stronger commitments.
They’ll need more reassurances, since they are faced with the constant reminder of your unfaithfulness. It also means that you will need to be willing to talk about what happened more than once.
The constant reminder replays the pain time and time again. If you put them in this place, you need to be willing to work with them, which means giving up the idea that “it is over”.
Your stupidity and foolishness has them in a situation where they are re-injured on a daily basis. Since you put them in a situation where they are not able to heal, you will have to repair the relationship on a daily basis.
You’ll have to let go of the idea of ‘putting it past’ the both of you, since your spouse is faced with the constant daily reminder of what you did. The answer to the question, ‘Why can’t they get past this?’ lies with you.
If you are a cheater wanting help, the video “Help for the Cheater” guides you through what you need to do and where changes are needed.
Best Regards,
Jeff
