The medication known as propanolol is being studied and used for a wide variety of problems, including tinnitus (ringing in the ears), PTSD (traumatic memories), stress, and even racism. On top of this it was also one of the first beta blockers used in treating high blood pressure. With all the symptoms the medication is reported to “fix”, it is only a matter of time before some researcher attempts using it in issues related to affairs. Think about it, this one pill removes memories, trauma and reduces the stress. (never mind the potential side effects which include weight gain, nausea, drowsiness, fatigue, mood changes, and potential swelling of hands or feet, etc.)
On the surface, after an event like learning about your spouse’s affair, it may sound promising, yet as a counselor, the idea of using chemicals to ‘modify’ someone’s thinking only deals with symptoms. In the case of infidelity, you may still find yourself living with the cheater, yet not feel some of the symptoms of the trauma or stress. Your body knows that you have been done wrong, yet the pill changes what you immediately recall and feel. The pill does not change what happened. It does not change history, it does not increase the responsibility or responsiveness of the cheater, they are not a better spouse or better parent or repentant. The only change is your memory of what happened and the level of stress you feel. This is merely treating the symptoms, not the problems. It reminds me of when my wife went to her doctor to discuss a fellow patient also under that doctor’s care. The patient had been stalking my wife, making threats against her and attempting to burn down her business. The physician refused to consider changing the stalker’s meds, conduct any evaluation of the stalker or intervene beyond offering my wife valium to calm her while the stalker continued doing their thing. Some help! Imagine that happening to you. The cheater does what they do, leaves you shocked and emotionally devastated, yet the only intervention is to give you something to calm your nerves and block out the memory. Such a strategy only sets the stage for you to be vulnerable to be traumatized again.
It may be important to you to block out the memory and reduce the stress, yet keep in mind that that is not dealing with what put all the events in motion. It is not changing the relationship. It is not confronting the issue. It is merely window dressing to make you feel less discomfort.
Disclaimer: There is no pill that prevents infidelity. This post is based on my conjecture of what could happen if propranolol, which is being used for a multitude of symptoms were used in dealing with infidelity.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
