Cheaters are known for ‘making mountains out of mole hills’ and then downplaying what is important. By exaggerating the hurts and wrongs done to them and downplaying the wrongs that they have done, the cheater manages to twist marriage relationships out of shape. The twisting of their logic gives you a taste of what kind of mental gymnastics they do in their hearts and heads to ‘justify’ their affair.
Since most people have a conscience, the cheater has to find a way to ‘drown out’ that still small voice that tells them that what they are doing is ‘wrong’. By playing up the emotions and twisting things around, they stifle the small voice. After their initial success, they often continue doing it until it becomes a habit and a way of life for them. At that point, the habit of twisting logic to suit their needs is done without even thinking about it. That twisting is often what makes talking to them so frustrating. You often can not follow their logic and reasoning. Even when you reflect what you hear back to them, they will twist that as well. They often can not even follow their own logic.
So how can you deal with this? You change the topic. You focus on emotions. You focus on what you feel and what they feel. Once you get them in touch with their emotions, then you have a place to start from. The twisted logic is an obstacle to a healthy marriage, but even it can be overcome.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
