One of the challenges you face in dealing with an affair is that of ‘overcoming will power’. Cheaters often have great will power and focus when the object of their desire is the affair or themselves.
When they lock onto their object, they use all the power of their will, their focus and determination in achieving their goal. They show a fierce determination in reaching their goal.
You may be thinking, but I thought ‘will power’ and self-discipline were good things. In most cases they are, yet when will power and focus are bent onto other objects, or affairs they become destructive. They’re still very powerful and energize the person using them.
The danger is that the cheater is using will power and focus in accomplishing and achieving things that aren’t good for them. Their priorities are misplaced.
They head into the affair with a forceful determination. They are ‘driven’ by this power.
They ignore distractions and obstacles standing in the way of them and the object of their desire. Their will power has gone wild.
When the will power is operating against you, it’s a frustrating obstacle to overcome. Some spouse have worked to shatter or break the cheater.
That’s not in the best interest of either of you. Finding ways of re-directing or re-channeling their focus and will power is a preferred option.
In order to change their focus, it’s important understanding what you’re up against and what the real enemy is. If you spend your time attacking the lover, you’re caught up in distractions.
The enemy is the cheater’s focus. They’re focused on the wrong things.
You encounter the challenge of changing or redirecting their focus. Find ways of making it work for you rather than against you.
Since there’s no ‘one way’ of changing their focus, I can’t provide you with an answer as to ‘how’ it is to be done.
Each cheater is wired differently. If you don’t know ways of reaching the heart of your spouse and changing its focus, then you’re becoming aware of the extent of the problem.
Having lived with the cheater, you are the most acquainted with their heart and how it works. If you don’t know how it works, then you need to learn, and learn quickly.
If you’ve never understood how your spouse’s heart works, then you have been trying to run a marriage blindly. Knowing how to reach their heart and redirect it is critical in overcoming an affair along with preventing future ones.
If you need help in finding better ways of reaching your spouse and re-directing their will power, consider joining the support community at Restored Lifestyle. There you’ll find resources, videos and forums for helping you recover from the affair.
Best Regards,
Jeff
