Lawyers and Anger<<– Listen to the audio here
Hi, this is Jeff Murrah with Affair Recovery Radio. Today we’ll be dealing with lawyers and anger.
In some of your cases I know with affair recovery you have not had to deal with lawyers, and this may not be an issue that is in your bailiwick right now. For those of you who’ve been struggling with an affair and you’re looking at the possibility of divorce or child custody issues, you are dealing with lawyers. And you know how important this is.
Once lawyers step into a situation, the whole dynamics change. It’s to you that this is focused. The information that I’ll be sharing will help all of you, but the audience that is having to deal with lawyers, those are the ones that are going to benefit even more so from it.
Whenever you’re dealing with affairs there is a high risk that eventually lawyers are going to get involved. I can guarantee you that when lawyers get involved that tempers will flair.
When the lawyers start sending the paper back and forth, the communication has changed. When that communication changes the rules change, and you have to be aware of that. Because once all that stuff starts happening you can’t go back to your old ways of communicating, your old ways of problem-solving, and expect them to work.
Once the lawyer is hired you’re essentially bringing them in as your ‘surrogate’ to start dealing with issues. And it will change the dynamics in terms of how communication happens, how problems are solved. Although on the surface it may look like it may fix things, in the long run it tends to mess things up more.
But, if you’re dealing with the situation or even if you’re dealing with the risk or the possibility of it on the horizon, you need to be aware that the dynamics will change. And you’ve got to have a way to deal with it. I’m going to talking about that today.
First, in terms of your solution. Recognize that most lawyers are intentionally inflammatory. These lawyers, when I say intentionally inflammatory, they may resort to personal attacks on you and when they send you letters they are purposely trying to load them with words and phrases to intimidate you, to inflame you in one way or another.
Sometimes they’ll talk down to you, sometimes they will use words that they know will intentionally put you on the defensive.
What they’re trying to do is get you wound up, because they know once you are wound up emotionally you are easier to manipulate. They are trying to manipulate you by getting you that way. Realize that that’s what they’re getting paid to do.
Number two, read, walk away, then read again. When you’re dealing with legal papers you have to realize that given how they are written with the intention of getting you all worked up, you’re going to have to read it, walk away from it, and then read it again.
You may have to drink a cup of coffee, regain your wits, take a walk, whatever. Because they are intentionally written for the shock value, and you’re making a mistake if you react to the first reading and you take action based on reading it the first time.
This is another reason for reading it the second time. And you may have to read it and reread it, and reread it again, to figure out what it is that they are saying, actually saying as opposed to what they’re implying, and what it is that they’re wanting.
Number three, it’s going to be important that you don’t assume that you know what the legal papers say. What I mean by this, you say but it’s in English. It may be in English. That doesn’t mean that you understand what they’re actually saying. That’s mainly because legal definitions are often very different than common definitions.
You can take a lot of words that are used in every day speech, they mean something totally different when it’s in the hands of a lawyer and legal papers. And you may know what your Webster’s Dictionary of some term is, but that’s not the same thing as a legal dictionary and the legal definition. Because it can mean something totally different.
And for that reason, depending on the situation you’re dealing with, you may want to go ahead and look up terms in a legal dictionary to make sure that you understand what it is that is written there in front of you.
Because many times, by using these highfalutin’ words and words that you’re not familiar with, or using words that get you worked up, that allows them to continue with their game of getting you wound up.
Any time that you find yourself just reacting all the time, chances are you’re not going to make good choices. So for that reason you need to think through what’s going on, and that’s why I presented the solution for you. Because when lawyers are involved you can bet your bottom dollar emotions are going to run hot, and there’s going to be anger.
So you need to realize that, first of all, most lawyers are intentionally being inflammatory. The whole purpose of lawyers, part of their history, it’s almost like they are the hired guns that people would take on to fight their battles for them.
It’s like they are the knights having a jousting tournament to decide who the champion is. And in this case you and your spouse are battling it out and the lawyers are doing tilt out there, and they are intentionally making the situation worse, and it needs to be realized that it’s intentionally inflammatory.
Number two, read, walk away, then read again. And number three, don’t assume that you know what the legal papers say. A common mistake is that people assume that they know what it says and they don’t. Not only in terms of legal papers, but also when it gets down to the court room.
These are some simple things that, if you’re in a situation where a lawyer’s involved, you can put these into practice right here and now. And I hope that you do that. It can make a big difference in terms of your recovery and your own mental state.
Best Regards,
Jeff
