After an event on trauma hacking I joined the other team members in relaxing. Like any after production social, there is a time for relaxing and going over how things went. It also provides time for getting to know other team members better.
I sat down by Nancy and the conversation soon drifted to discussing relationships and affairs. Nancy wanted to share her story with me. Although she is divorced from her spouse, she wanted to know “was there any hope?”
She proceeded telling me about her marriage and husband’s affairs with prostitutes. As she continued sharing, she found herself revealing more about what happened and what she felt than she had ever told anyone else.
At times her voice revealed tension and sadness in recounting the events and what it stirred up inside of her. At the conclusion, she turned to me and with a slight quiver in her voice, asked “Now tell me. Was there any hope?”
Although that chapter of her life ended, I could tell that some issues remain unresolved in her heart and head. She still wanted answers about whether things could have worked out. She wanted validation for her choices.
Nancy was not just playfully looking at what ifs. Her tone of voice revealed a heart-felt concern about her former marriage.
Her question echoed in my mind as one that you may struggle with as well. You make decisions about your marriage and life then start wondering if it could have turned out different.
When questions like Nancy’s continue haunting you, there’s likely some unresolved trauma still inside you. You went on with life, yet your emotions keep returning to scene of the affair.
Your mind continues playing out the different possible outcomes. You wonder if you missed something along the way.
This kind of second guessing is one of the symptoms associated with unresolved Affair Trauma. Nancy needed someone to share her story with. She knew that her friends and family disapproved of her marriage in the first place. They rejoiced at her decision and supported her in it.
Although they rejoiced, part of her really loved her husband and hoped for a different outcome. She wanted someone to listen to her without any biases and give her some straight answers.
If you need a place for sharing and getting straight answers, consider joining the support community at Restored Lifestyle. It could be that those pieces of unfinished business can finally be accepted and settled as you share with others going through similar situations. You’ll also discover that you’re not alone in your struggles.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
