The damage an affair does to trust is immense. During the process of recovering from an affair, long after forgiveness has been dealt with, intimacy resumed and communication improved, there remains the long roadway of rebuilding trust.
Since I’ve dealt with the part of trust concerning your relationship with your spouse in previous emails, today, my focus is on rebuilding your ability to trust yourself.
My inspiration in dealing with this goes back to a comment on the blog where a betrayed spouse shared, “ [Adultery] Destroys one’s sense of self. Makes one doubt every aspect of themselves.”
Although she talks about ‘sense of self’ and doubting, those are statements about not trusting herself.
When your sense of self is destroyed, you lose confidence in your decision-making. You question your own thinking and reasons. You can still think, yet the damaged trust leaves you wondering if you can trust what your own mind is telling you. It can be a paralyzing feeling.
The good news is that rebuilding trust in yourself is possible, although it will take time and effort. Here are some steps to help you begin the process:
The problem gets even worse when your spouse withdraws or refuses to talk with you. At that point, your mind becomes an echo chamber of your own thoughts and fears. It’s easy to slip into a pit of depression, anger, or anxiety when your mind is left alone to defend itself alone.
When your spouse refuses to communicate with you, they create the same relationship dynamics that led to the affair in the first place. Now it’s up to you to pick up the pieces and analyze what happened.
You start wondering if others are seeing through you the way you see through yourself and expose your inadequacy. Even when others are kind to you, there are doubts about whether they are sincere in what they’re telling you.
You wonder if others are trying to take advantage of you. It’s as if you’re on guard against the world on a daily basis.
Your own thoughts keep you stuck in fear. When these negative thought patterns arise, pause, look at them objectively, and decide if they are really true or not.
This is a struggle where you can’t withdraw from the world. This one you have to face.
The good news is that you can learn ways of trusting yourself again. There are ways of rebuilding what you thought was gone forever.
In the video ‘How Can I Trust You Again?”, you’ll learn about the Trust Formula and each of its components. Putting these pieces in place gives you a foundation for building your trust.
In the video, I keep the instructions simple. When you have each of the key components, you have what you need for trust. Putting them into place and reminding yourself of them will give you the foundation you need along with making it stronger each time you practice it.
Download the video today and start making the changes you need to make a better you.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
