While doing some looking for some understanding and answers in how people respond to tragedies, I came across a quote that sent shudders through me. It was in the form of a quote that I’d never seen before.
The quote was from Peter Langman. He is considered THE expert when people are looking for answers to school shooting situations. He’s spent years studying these tragic events looking for answers.
He looks for common factors, events circumstances and experiences. When local police, or federal agencies have questions, he’s the one they call in the wake of those terrible situations.
You can look him up and check on it yourself. He definitely has some impressive credentials. He’s qualified in addressing the subject of shooters.
The quote about shooters that shocked me was “Most, came from homes that also experienced infidelity, substance abuse, criminal behavior, domestic violence and child abuse.”
I read and re-read it several times. Yes, he really did say ‘INFIDELITY’ is a factor. I’ve never seen the professional journals point this out.
This kind of information and its ramifications is serious stuff for several reasons. One is that it’s clear that parental infidelity has powerful long term impacts.
Second, that the long term impact of a parent’s affair isn’t a positive one.
If they said that infidelity is one of the contributing factors behind shooters it would be shocking. Although it’s shocking, it’s something rarely considered by cheaters.
That fling has long term effects you never imagined. These include some effects that you don’t even want to see as a possibility.
I recognize that there are other factors as well. Drugs, criminal activity and abuse are also destructive and have long term effects as well.
It still remains that a parent’s affair is a life changing event for children. Affairs are not ‘just between adults’ when one of the parties is a parent.
Try telling that to the grieving parents and spouses hurt by a child damaged by their parents affair. What began as just between adults now has some significant collateral damage. It’s really NOT something just between two consenting adults.
This means that in the event of an affair, it’s something you can’t ignore. Affairs require action. There are things you can do that bring healing from the wounding that the affair brought into your family.
One is ordering the “Affair Recovery Workshop”. It addresses what to bring up, how to bring it up and ways of transforming your marriage. It also addresses the effects of the affair on the family and ways of breaking family patterns associated with the affair.
Surviving the affair is not enough for you and your family. Your family needs some restorative work at rebuilding trust and intimacy.
Affairs definitely impact children. What happened creates shock waves that go far into the future. You can take steps that bring healing rather than just hoping that “time heals everything”.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
