There are times when the questions that come in reveal more than the writer intended. One that caught my attention asked “Why do foment have long term affairs?”
The reader meant to type the word ‘women’, but in their haste had a Freudian slip. Instead of writing the word ‘women’, what came out was ‘foment’.
With that kind of slip of his fingers on the keyboard, it’s apparent that he’s struggling with his emotional reaction to his wife’s long-term affair. He’s hurting and looking for answers. The answers he’s finding are only agitating him further.
The impact of long-term affairs is particularly devastating. When an affair is long-term, it wasn’t a slip or lapse in judgment.
The fact that its long-term (lasting over 1.5 years) shows it was intentional. Long term affairs require organized deception and lying.
The cheater and the AP (Affair Partner) have to establish ways of communicating, meeting times, and ways of hiding them. While being sneaky, they also find time to get into each others pants.
In a few rare cases, the cheater wanted things to get caught and end things, but for whatever reason, they didn’t. When the lover is out to trap the cheater or replace the other spouse they’ve been known to use desperate measures. This raises the question of whether the cheater really wanted out of the affair.
Whatever the dynamics are going on, the cheater continues being a part of it. The longer such an affair continues, the more devastating the effects are.
Trust, loyalty, and commitment are each damaged by what happened. Each of these qualities takes longer to rebuild than it took to destroy.
If there is to be any hope for your marriage after a long-term affair, trust needs a major overhaul. You need a ground up rebuild for the two of you to once again enjoy each others company.
When trust isn’t addressed, the hurt foments and agitates your mind and emotions. The slightest irritation will bother you with offense taken at things you would previously overlook.
If you’re looking for ways of rebuilding trust, consider the video “How Can I Trust You Again?” It will guide the two of you through the steps needed in rebuilding what’s been damaged.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
