One of the topics I check daily in the news is infidelity. Seeing the latest stories and news items on that topic helps me understand where the public pulse is.
A recent story on a British site grabbing my attention had the headline, ” ‘Is it still adultery if my spouse has dementia and doesn’t know who I am anymore?‘ The article included the answer to the question from various health professionals.
The story revealed a great deal about the mindset and values of those asking such a question. It tells me that some people no longer use a moral definition of infidelity.
The new definition is whether or not your spouse is cognitively aware of an adulterous act. This is literally an application of “What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”
With this approach, the determination of whether something is adultery or not is based on your spouse’s judgment. This takes avoiding responsibility to a whole new level in addition to allowing your spouse to determine questions about your morality.
The main twist in this scenario is, they tweak “what they don’t know…” by adding a medical condition. This kind of thinking is dangerous.
It is not a far stretch for not being cognitively aware if you’re zoned out on medications or drunk. Think how the question would sound in that case. “Is it still adultery is my spouse is drunk and doesn’t know who I am?” or “Since my wife is under the influence of anesthesia and doesn’t recognize me, it must not be adultery.”
This is an example of the kind of slippery slope of excusing affairs that happens when moral definitions are cast aside. Right and wrong now depend on your spouse’s mental status rather than moral absolutes.
This kind of logic also tells me that the traditional marriage vows have lost their meaning. The old “love, honor and cherish until death do you part” has now become “love, honor and cherish until your emotionally or mentally unavailable”.
Another consequence of this twisted logic is the loss of security of your bonds of matrimony. When your bonds are contingent on your mental or emotional status, they aren’t very secure. All your security hinges on the status of your spouse and their interpretation of your status.
I’m still old fashioned enough to know that when I do wrong, there are consequences. Affairs are wrong.
When I hear, “Is it adultery if…” someone is trying to excuse their infidelity.
When you get tired of excuses and want help in turning your marriage and thinking around, the ‘Affair Recovery Workshop’ is for you. Buy the workshop and you can start turning your marriage around rather than stumbling on the latest twists in excusing cheating.
I also provide support for the workshop. If you order it, I am available to answer questions or concerns as you go through it. I want your marriage helped.
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Keeping It Real,
Jeff
