It still breaks my heart reading emails from some of the spouses who continue struggling after the affair is over. The common theme is that the cheater is back, yet they’re caught in an emotional wrestling match.
Even though the cheater is back, they’ve lost their love of life and have started isolating themselves. Fear dominates their thinking and daily lives. You feel trapped and vacillate between staying or leaving.
The desperation comes across in the emails. They start off wanting to write a quick response and end up writing more than they intended. The feelings just start pouring out.
In many cases, you’ve gone to a therapist or support group along the way. Even with that help, you feel like you’re still treading water.
You struggle questions about how you got into the mess you find yourself in. In reading the emails, I know the answer to how it happened, yet in most cases, you aren’t ready to hear the answer.
You’re still looking for the answer in your relationship with their spouse. You’re not removing the root of the problems.
In some cases, it’s the cheater whose looking for answers and is tired of blaming themselves. They know something’s wrong, but aren’t sure what needs to be done in order to ‘fix’ things.
The cheater brought things to a head, yet the root of where it comes from goes back further. This is why the Affair Recovery Workshop addresses family patterns as part of affair recovery. Although you may not want to accept it, 60% of affairs are part of long term family patterns.
When your spouse returns home, it doesn’t mean that everything is over. The root source of the problems still need your attention. Even when there’s not a pattern of affairs, you may find some trauma bonds there that made you vulnerable to the problems you now wrestle with.
Identifying and addressing the issues stemming from those traumas or inadequate parenting is an important part of you recovering from what happened.
You can order the Affair Recovery Workshop now and start dealing with important areas within a few minutes.
The patterns can be changed when you know where to look.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
