There are times when I cringe on hearing certain messages. It may be overhearing something at the airport or in the grocery store. It’s not about eavesdropping, these statements are typically stated so loudly that anyone in ear shot hears what’s being said.
One of those statements is on hearing “It’s my way or the highway!” At hearing those words I see my parent telling me that same phrase in a defiant tone. The image comes into my mind along with the feelings it triggers.
It was used on me when I had few other options. To me, it smacked of manipulation. It was used in forcing me into a position or way of doing things. In psychology this is referred to as a ‘forced choice’ situation.
The day came, when it was used one too many times and I opted for the ‘highway’ option, which I call the ‘Route 66′ solution. Although it wasn’t the easy choice, in my situation, the options were limited. I took to the highway.
When you’re told “It’s my way or the highway!” it sends a signal that there is no room for negotiating. They don’t want you to have options and are unwilling to consider any. At that moment, you’re being manipulated or controlled in some way.
Statements like that end any discussion. It does nothing more than cut off discussion and forces you into making a choice.
When it’s your spouse, these kind of tactics are being misused. If the only tactic your spouse has is threats, they are revealing their rigidity.
If you feel so desperate that making that kind of threat is your only option, your situation isn’t a healthy one. Even though you heard that phrase in your youth, it doesn’t make it right to use on your spouse.
Besides that, the threat of “It’s my way or the highway” wasn’t likely spoken in a loving way.
One thing I can tell you is that when one of you says “It’s my way or the highway!”, your marriage needs immediate help. It’s a sure sign that decisions are being forced on each other rather than being discussed.
Someone is not being considered or listened to. If you’re not listening to them when touchy topics come up, what’s the likelihood that you are attuned to their needs, much less meeting them?
If your marriage needs some intensive help, I have some openings for my monthly consultation package. Contact me if you are interested in this option, which may save you from facing the Route 66 Solution.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
