Have you considered the possibility that you’ve made some choices that put you in danger? When an affair happens your focus shifts to the cheater and their choices. They’re in your spotlight of your attention.
When your focus shifts to the cheater, there are times you may be making some hazardous choices. Let me be clear, “ You didn’t make them cheat“. They made that choice themselves.
What you may have done is make choices that put you in a place where recovery is made more difficult. Your choices may have put obstacles in your pathway to recovery.
How you deal with the affair and yourself are important matters needing your attention.
I understand how easy it is to find yourself reacting without thinking. Some of these choices may have been made in the heat of emotional drama. However the choices are made, they contribute to recovery being harder than it would have been.
Some of the dangerous choices include: too much sleep, drinking too much, overmedicating, eating too much or too little, cutting on yourself, isolating, putting off things needing your attention, over-involvement at work or with the children and spending too much.
It’s hard having a relationship with someone whose medicated, drunk, isolated or cut to shreds. Those choices make it harder for anyone to get closer to you.
These are all ways of getting your mind off of things, yet they end up being unhealthy coping behaviors. Making choices like those above complicates recovery from your spouse’s affair.
Recovery is not just about them stopping the affair, it also includes repairing your marriage and yourself. The danger choices end up impairing your ability to cope and recover.
You may find yourself doing one or two of those things, yet it becomes a slippery slope. Without realizing it, you can find yourself doing many of the danger items.
When you find yourself doing them, it’s a risky behavior. Not only is it risky, it diminishes your position when confronting the cheater on their lack of self-control and discipline. When you’re out of control, it’s hard talking to them about how they need control.
This is when you’re heading into Affair Trauma territory. You may not have considered the affair on the level of a trauma, yet your choices, your emotions and body know better. They know that you are floundering even though you tell yourself “I can do this myself!”
You may be able to get through some of the recovery by yourself, yet your actions send a message that you need more help. Don’t let pride keep you from recovering from the affair.
This is where the material in the “Overcoming Affair Trauma” video helps. It helps you understand the changes going on in your body, emotions and mind. It lets you know how you got to where you’re at along with what you can do about it.
When your impaired, your ability to recover from the affair is handicapped. Imagine what life will be like once you remove those bad choices and habits that are holding you back.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
