Although the sixties were proclaimed the age of ‘free love’, those of you who have been in a promiscuous lifestyle know that ‘free love’ is anything but free.
The more you give into your drives and passions, the more they begin controlling you. It boils down to loosing control on the installment plan.
In many ways the drives and passions control you rather than you controlling them. It is almost as if you were in a type of slavery where you have to go wherever the drives tell you. You have to sleep with whoever arouses you. Your ability to say ‘no’ is weak at best.
Besides the drives, there is also the issue of your thinking. You look at the world differently than other people do. When you go out in public, you are drawn to sexual stimuli, you view people through a sexual lens.
Not only do you view them through a sexual lens, their sexuality grabs you. you may try looking away, but you are pulled towards what stimulates you.
Even things that were not intended to be sexual are turned that way. You lost your innocence long ago, and now you can not even imagine a life without ‘sexualized thinking’.
Pulling out of this lifestyle is a major change. It involves changing your behavior, thinking, and heart. It is not just a matter of self-discipline, you need a complete make-over.
Instead of learning to walk again, you are having to learn how to interact with members of the opposite sex without giving into the urges and giving audience to the sexual conversations in your head. You can get out, if you choose to do so.
Choosing to get out is the first step you will take in a series. You will learn ways of living one day at a time. You will take relationships, one step at a time. ‘No’ will become a lifesaver for you.
Learning to say ‘No’ and mean it is essential. Although it may be a challenge at first, each time you do, it will become easier. When you have said ‘No’ enough, you start regaining self-control. “No’ becomes your friend.
You will be at a point where you can make conscious choices of your own making rather than feel like you have to give in to whoever has the best seduction skills.
If you are married, making this change will mean that you include your spouse in your efforts. They will need to know what you are going through in order to help you through this challenge.
This is a scary proposition for many spouses. Yes, they want to be free of the risk of affairs, yet intervening at such a level often scares them. This requires a level of intimacy, honesty and vulnerability way outside of many people’s comfort zones.
Your spouse will need some of the communication skills I cover in the Affair Recovery Workshop in order to help you through this kind of challenge.
Putting those skills to work for you will strengthen your communication and intimacy to where the two of you can make it out of a promiscuous lifestyle.
Best Regards,
Jeff
