When dealing with a cheater, at any given time, you have to deal with at least two lovers. There is the actual lover, and then there is the lover that the cheater imagines. You may have given thought to having a talk with the lover, even though the bigger threat is the ‘imagined’ lover. The ‘imagined’ lover is constructed of fantasy. In most cases, the imagined lover is more or less projected onto the actual lover. This mean that the bulk of your struggle is gaining access to the ‘cheater’s world’ within their head.
This is important to keep in mind. You may decide to out dress, out seduce and out romance the actual lover, when the imagined lover is the one that gives you more trouble. As long as the imagined lover lives on, it is only a matter of time before the cheater finds another person they can assume to be the incarnation of the imagined lover.
Understanding who and what your real enemy is becomes critical in your efforts to restore your marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
