Ending relationships is harder than starting them. Ending a long term affair is harder than starting one, yet it’s often as difficult as you make it. The longer you delay, the tougher it becomes.
The image comes to mind of old chicken hens. The longer you wait to eat them, the tougher they are.
Ending the affair means letting the relationship die. Some cheaters make this hard on themselves by focusing on the death and loss of the affair rather than on damage it was doing to their marriage and family. Perspective is key in leaving a long term affair without long term damage.
Had the cheater considered the damage being done rather than their own emotions, they would have ended things earlier.
The most effective way of ending such a relationship is to cut off ALL communication. Remove them from the cell phones, email, office contacts, etc. Yes, this means deleting numbers, photos and voicemails.
Block their number and cease contact. Better yet, erase them from your contact list and block their number. It’s not the time to be ‘fair’ or decent. The lover may demand decency or fairness as a way of putting you in an emotional bind.
Starting the whole relationship wasn’t fair or decent. It wasn’t an issue then, so why let it be an issue now?
If their are any children with the lover, such total cut-off may not be feasible. Children change the dynamics. Many lovers know this, which is often one of the motivations for them seeking impregnation. They know that children keep the connections alive and money flowing in.
Dragging out the good-byes often makes the ending more emotional and painful than it needs to be. One party will be wanting to end it, while the other uses guilt, sex, and emotions to keep the relationship going.
Yes, the two of them were part of each other’s lives. The problem is that their relationship was one that should not have been. They need to see the benefit of ending it rather than the beauty of ‘what they had together’.
You will also want to remove any gifts or presents given by the cheaters during their relationship. These only serve to bring back memories or ‘ghosts’ as I often refer to them. They reactivate parts of the brain that you want de-activated.
You may want to take it a step further and redecorate your home so that any old feelings from that time are gone. New surroundings often prompt new responses. You want to not only remove the lover, you want to change the world you live in. You want to remove the lover from the cheater’s life, heart and brain.
It often takes a little longer, but the fantasies and dreams about the lover will need to end as well. This is also part of the ending process.
The video, “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery” has other helps for getting these changes started. You can learn what needs doing in ending the affair.
When you’re in the middle of the relationship, emotions often cloud your reasoning and thinking. The video guides you through those tough initial choices and actions. Just click the link, fill out the form and you can start the road to recovery.
Best Regards,
Jeff
