Over the years, I’ve learned the importance of being open to new ways of handling old challenges. One area where this became clear is cutting up pineapples. I like pineapples and am open to finding the best way of cutting them. I’ve tried special pineapple cutters from kitchen stores along with a wide range of instructional videos on YouTube that have me looking at pineapple cutting in ways I’ve never considered before. It’s forced me to see pineapple cutting from perspectives I’d never thought of before. These different approaches have changed my way of looking at pineapple cutting.
Similarly, I’ve learned about the many different perspectives on affairs and their various arrangements. One of the topics fervently searched for when it comes to infidelity is that of ‘exit affairs’.
Those searching are looking for answers. On discovering the Affair situation, especially with exit affairs want to know how to handle their situation. I’ve looked at the length of them, ways of handling them, and other angles. A recent query came up that I hadn’t considered. A reader wanted to know whether exit affairs are ‘cruel’. If we go with a dictionary definition of cruelty being ‘causing pain, grief or distress’, then an exit affair meets the criteria. Exit affairs cause grief, pain, and distress whether intentional or unintentional.
Cruelty is also associated with hardheartedness. When the betrayer indulges without discussing problems or issues with their spouse beforehand, they meet that definition as well. Exit affairs are typically the cheater’s way of leaving the marriage by having an affair. Rather than dealing with the issues in a face-to-face manner, they choose an indirect out.
I’ve also come across discussions on the morality of exit affairs and whether they should be considered as a form of betrayal or not. Some argue that since the marriage was already broken, an exit affair is just a way to end it without having to go through a messy divorce. Others believe that any type of affair, regardless of the situation, is still considered cheating.
Some cheaters choose an affair partner that will put you in a position where you want to kick them out. These incidents are NOT accidental. The affair partner was a conscious choice. This type of exit affair is often seen as especially cruel, as the betrayer actively chooses to hurt their spouse to end the marriage.
Other discussions focus on the impact of exit affairs on both parties involved. For the spouse who was betrayed, an exit affair can cause immense pain and feelings of abandonment. It can also lead to a loss of trust, shame and lower self-esteem.
The betrayer may not view the exit affair as cruel since they are so caught up in it. They are oblivious to the full impact it has on others. Exit affairs come across as a huge rejection of you and your marriage, even when they weren’t intended to be. The exit affair is preferring the choice to be in another relationship.
When you’re on the receiving end of such rejection, it’s traumatic. That kind of incident leaves you wounded. When it comes time for healing your wounding, what are you going to do? In my video on “Overcoming Affair Trauma”, I share ways of getting past the rage and frozen-in-time reactions that come with exit affairs. Download your copy today and start healing your wounds today.
Whether or not the exit affair truly becomes an exit depends on many choices. Whether they stay or go, you’ll still have to heal your wounds so this video is for all of you impacted by exit affairs or when those exit affairs trigger early life traumas.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
